


In Another Life

by gen519



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, F/M, Regret, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-01-20 12:51:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 43,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12433248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gen519/pseuds/gen519
Summary: In which Naruto Uzumaki listens to his mother's advice and marries a girl like her. And lives to regret it. Post-war AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for clicking!  
> I normally don't like to spoil anything for readers, but some fair warning since my work has stirred a bit of controversy/.  
> If you don't like seeing your faves suffer, this is probably not for you.  
> If you only like fluff, this is probably not for you.  
> If you can only accept happy endings, this probably is not for you. 
> 
> If you're sticking around, great and thanks so much! This work will have three parts. I will upload Part Two if this gets good feedback :) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

 

**Part One**

 

  

> _“Someday, when my life has passed me by_
> 
> _I’ll lay around and wonder why_
> 
> _You were always there for me”_
> 
> _\--Sugar Ray, “Someday”_

 

Some days, he felt it.

That something wasn’t quite right.

He didn’t know what it was, but it churned in his stomach and bit at his brain until he distracted himself with other thoughts.

Like work.

He would work and work and work until those thoughts went away. Because those thoughts were wrong. He knew they were wrong. That he should be ashamed of those doubts that made him question something like this.

Missions are easier to think about. And his path towards becoming Hokage. They make sense. He knows his goals and he knows what he will do to accomplish them. The thoughts go away.

“Naruto-kun?”

And just as quickly, they would resurface.

Just like now.

He glances up. She is staring at him, questioningly, and with a furrowed brow. A stack of laundry is balanced on her forearms and he blinks, realizing that he has blanked out in the middle of a conversation. His hands drop to the shirt on his bed and he quickly refolds it, adding it to his own pile of laundry.

“Nothing’s wrong.” He answers automatically before she can ask him the dreaded question—dreaded, because he himself has no idea what is so wrong. He sees the way she sucks in her bottom lip and he can’t help looking away shamefully. He worries her, he knows. And she doesn’t deserve that.

“Well,” She continues. “You should be on your way, right? For your mission?”

He nods and stands from the bed, reaching for his forehead protector on the dresser. She stands to walk him to the door, shaky legs making her wobble. He places a hand on her back to help steady her.

_Wrong._

They walk to the front door and she watches him as he tucks on his boots and straightens his clothes. When he finishes, they look at each other expectantly.

 _Wrong_.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

“Come back to me, okay?”

“I will.”

_Wrong._

“And to Boruto.” She adds, placing a hand on her stomach.

His hand joins hers. “I will.”

_Wrong._

With that, he opens the door and walks away.

Naruto Uzumaki does not know what is so wrong.

With his wife.

With his child.

His fists clench.

_Wrong._

* * *

One day, he heads out to buy groceries. Not ramen, of course, but things that normal people buy. Milk. Eggs. Butter. Cream cheese. _Bagels._

He never thought he’d ever be eating bagels for breakfast, but he does. Bagels, with scrambled eggs, and coffee. It makes him feel like an adult, to eat real breakfast, and wear clean underwear every day.

Having a wife can change your lifestyle, he supposes.

Not oblivious to the excited whispers and giggled surrounding him, he pays the grocer and heads home. He’s not keen on being out in public anymore, it’s too much of a hassle. Some days he wishes the villagers would go back to ignoring him, but he quickly reminds himself how far he has come and how far he still needs to go. There are people counting on him, watching him, he knows. People that support him and want to see him accomplish his dream.

With that thought, he thinks of a girl he hasn’t seen in a long while and idly wonders what she is up to. Maybe missions? Clan stuff? He doesn’t know. Doesn’t think much of it. Besides, he comments to himself, if he ever needs her, then she’ll be there like she always was.

He cuts across a small playground to save time, checking around for any villagers who might see him and try to approach. It is in that moment of alert cerulean eyes scanning the periphery that he catches the sight of something that makes him freeze.

She’s here.

Sitting on a bench.

Naruto stares and stares, trying to remember when she had let her hair grow out. Or, more importantly, when she had stopped wearing that jacket of hers. He almost hadn’t recognized her without it, until he had caught sight of the eyes that had always reminded him of the moon. He’d never forget eyes like that. Eyes like hers.

When he comes back to his senses, he starts to wonder what she is doing.

She’s alone, a hand folded under her thigh as if protecting it from the cold, and her other hand fisted under her chin. She looks thoughtful, lost in her own mind. He can tell by the bouncing of her knee that she is uneasy. Nervous, maybe.

_What’s wrong?_

Just as he decides he should probably go check on her, his question is answered.

His perfect view of Hinata is blocked by the back of a man who is leaning towards her, stooping to her eye level. Quickly, she stands, hands coming to her sides and clutching at the fabric of her skirt. They stare at each other for a few seconds, speaking quietly to each other.

Naruto watches carefully, wondering if he should intervene. Clearly, this man is making her uncomfortable. Mind made up, he moves to step forward just as the two move to step away. Together. Side-by-side.

They walk slowly, further and further away from him, and he can see the backs of their heads tilt towards each other. He says something. She smiles. Naruto can tell because she has looked away.

He stands there and stares, even when they are no longer in view. He’s not sure how long exactly, only that by the time he has gotten home, the milk is warm.

* * *

His son looks just like him, he thinks fondly as he watches the baby blonde boy. He’s only a few weeks old, but he’s his spitting image. The blond tuft on his small soft head is lovingly combed back with bandaged fingers. Blue eyes open sleepily, regarding the smiling man in front of him.

Naruto has never felt so happy.

“Don’t rub his head so harshly, you’ll hurt him.” She warns from the sidelines, watching carefully with dark scrutinizing eyes. He glances at her partly in annoyance, and another in curiosity. Most of the time, she’s level-headed. Doesn’t scream or snap at him too often. But ever since Boruto was born, she’s been so…

He sighs.

“Here,” She continues, stretching out her arms. “I’m going to lay him down.” Naruto hands over the baby easily enough, knowing he’ll get fussy if he’s not curled up in his blankets soon.

“Okay. Hey, uh, make sure that he’s not too warm. Sakura says—”

“I don’t _care_ what Sakura says.” She whirls on him, and he realizes his mistake in bringing up a name that is not welcome in his household. Before he can correct himself, her rampage has started. “ _I’m_ Boruto’s mother! Not Sakura!”

He holds up his arms in surrender. “Ok, ok! Dammit, calm down!”

Her eyes narrow and she looks like she is about to say something before deciding against it. Naruto’s eyes widen at the scene. He has not seen her hold anything back for a long time. Quickly, she storms away from him into the nursery. He knows better than to follow.

Sighing, he throws himself on the couch, trying his best not to think. He starts to get angry when he thinks.

 _It’s my fault_ , he decides. _I know how she feels about Sakura-chan and I still brought her up._  

It’s been a while since he’s hung out with her. Has only seen her in passing, really. Another surge of bitterness passes through him. He had always thought that Sakura would deliver his baby. Turns out she’s not really trained as a midwife and when he had told her of his intentions, she had laughed out loud and turned away from him. It had taken him a few seconds to realize her shoulders were shaking, not from laughter, but by her sobbing. She was happy, she told him. Touched and honored. He had felt so happy that he had felt like crying too. She apologized for not being able to deliver his baby, but she had told him excitedly that she really wanted to be there when he was born.

_“I don’t have to be in the room with her!” She said quickly. “I can wait outside, right?”_

He had agreed but when news reached his wife that Sakura was handling her files and monitoring the progression of Boruto’s development, she had thrown a vase at him. A vase of flowers that he had given her. The next day, he found out that she had personally gone to see Granny Tsunade and demanded to keep her files from Sakura. She didn’t want her anywhere near her or her baby and she had personally selected her own midwife.

_“By the way,” She had said as they walked home from the hospital from a check-up. “I don’t want anyone there after I give birth. Just you.”_

_“Just me? I can’t invite anybody?”_

_She was silent for a few smoldering seconds. “Your parents aren’t here anymore, and mine are back home. I don’t see why anybody else should be here.”_

_He didn’t say anything after that. She always brought up the fact that she didn’t have anyone here. That she was all alone because her family and her friends were back in her home country._

_“I left them for you!” She would scream whenever he had pissed her off. “I’m here all alone, locked up in this house, with nobody, and you don’t care!”_

Of course he cares. He wants her to have friends. He wants her to be friends with his friends. He had envisioned her and Sakura becoming best buddies, going out to lunch and doing girl things together like shopping and painting their toenails or whatever girls did.

He thought she was so much like Sakura that they were bound to get along. Maybe they would have if it hadn’t been for…him. They had clashed at first meeting each other, he realized. At the time, their insults and shortness came in passive aggressiveness he wasn’t savvy enough to see through. And then she’d start to tense up whenever he mentioned his friend. It didn’t take long before she told him tearfully that she didn’t like it when he called her ‘Sakura-chan.’ Of course he had no choice but to agree to stop.

His friends would later assure him that it was bound to happen. Wives and best female friends don’t mesh well.

Naruto decided not to push a friendship between the two of them like he had planned to and he set his sights on the rest of his friends.

_“The blonde is a whore.” She had said as they walked home from a small get-together with Team 10. Naruto had been so shocked that he didn’t know what to say._

_He couldn’t help feeling bothered. Ino was his trusted comrade and, more importantly, a close friend. But…she was his wife._

_So he did not say anything as she continued. “Look at the way she dresses…are_ all _kunoichi that provocative?” He didn’t answer but he knows for a fact that they are not and neither is Ino. “The guys are okay. The fat one’s kind of weird though. And the other one kept staring at me the whole time.” She pursed her glossed lips and clicked her tongue a few times._

 _Her opinions of the rest of his comrades didn’t go well either. Naruto had almost lost his temper and snapped at her when she loudly expressed her disgust and fear of the loud green-clad ninja ‘with the awful haircut’. Lee hadn’t taken it too personally but he made a point of staying away from her and not greeting her as ‘youthfully’ anymore. And Naruto could tell from the fire in Sakura’s and Tenten’s eyes that his wife had crossed a line. Poking fun at Lee and ribbing him was good fun when_ they _did it because it meant nothing. Lee was one of their best friends and was, in his opinion, one of the most admirable people he had ever met. His wife did not agree. Her insults were real and she meant every word of them. That was why he really didn’t like arguing with her, but they ended up arguing all the time. Then, she’d cry and he’d calm down. It didn’t take him too long before realizing that was her way of winning their fights._

_They had passed by Kiba on the way to the market, and Shino on their way back, and she had snorted when he thought to mention to her the good times they had._

_“Kiba’s a loudmouth jerk but he means well. Akamaru’s real cool too. I fought them during the Chunin exams, remember?” At her shrug, he tried not to be offended. “And Shino’s kind of creepy and he doesn’t talk much, but he always has your back. He’s dependable and he’s actually really cool when he’s not ignoring you. They’re part of Team 8 and their specialty is—”_

_“Team 8?” She surprisingly interjected and he remembered that he had mentioned them in passing before. “Where’s their girl team-mate? I haven’t met her.” Her eyes were already narrowed in suspicion; the way they always were when he mentioned any girl around her._

_“Uh…I…” Naruto paused, suddenly aware that he had been very careful to never mention her. Subconsciously avoided them all when_ she _was there.  He’s not sure why but he knows for a fact that his wife would_ hate _her. Even more than Sakura-chan. And he didn’t think he could stand it if his wife said anything negative about Hinata. “I don’t know where she is. Hey, wanna get ramen?”_

She had met nearly all of his friends—everyone, except her—in the first few days that he had brought her home. He had learned very quickly she didn’t really like anyone and preferred it if he didn’t spend so much time with them. She was his wife, after all, and she had used some pretty convincing methods to coax him into staying home with her.

 “Naruto! Can you come here?” Her voice echoes from down the hallway.

“Yeah, just a sec!” He rolls off the couch and quickly heads to the nursery. “What’s up?” He approaches her slowly as she stands in front of the crib, watching their son.

Her voice is stern and cold when she asks, “Who’s Neji?”

The question makes his blood run cold. For a heart-stopping millisecond, all he sees is white eyes. Brown hair. Blood. Horrible pain. A bare forehead.

He doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t _want_ to answer. He’s told her everything, he acknowledges, but not this. Never this. Finally, he answers. “Who told you?”

“The girl with the buns. She stopped me when I was walking with Boruto outside. She asked me why my son was named in honor of _her_ teammate.” There’s a tense silence that Naruto is reluctant to fill. “She asked me if I even knew anything about him. Asked me why I thought to name him Boruto. I told her what you told me. You said you liked the name and that it sounds like yours.” She knows now that this was a lie. “Tell me. Why did you name our son after a dead man you used to know? And why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Naruto thinks of her question and answers honestly because Boruto is her son too. He tells her that Neji was an important friend of his and had taught him so much. “Neji was a brave man,” he tells her, “and he gave his life in battle for me. I thought I’d honor him by naming my son Boruto because their names mean the same thing. Plus, it sounds like mine.” He does not tell her that he had chosen his son’s name because whenever he says it aloud, he remembers. Remembers a bond between two cousins that he had fought hard to repair. Remembers a vow dipped in blood. Remembers him and swells with gratitude. Remembers her and her palm on his cheek. His hand gripped with hers.  

Of course, he does not tell his wife. And they pass a year like that.

* * *

He’s sitting in the Hokage’s office, waiting for another stack of papers Kakashi-sensei has been having him fill out as practice.

The world is so peaceful, it’s almost boring. He and his friends rarely go on missions anymore. Fresher Chunin need the experience after all and there’s hardly ever a need for a jonin, except as back-up on escort missions.

He’s so bored, he wants to cry, he thinks to himself. Idly, he stares out the window and watches Konoha. The activity amuses him for a few minutes.

He sees a toddler run away from his mother and smiles when she chases after him. He sees academy kids weaving through the crowds, playing ninja, and throwing imaginary shuriken. He sees genin teams being led to their D-rank missions. He knows this, because he helped assign them.

He sees a girl with long indigo hair holding hands with a brown-haired boy. Naruto is at the windowsill before he can stop himself, staring with wide eyes.

It’s her. He _knows_ it’s her.

But he doesn’t know who that man is. Certainly not any of their friends. Not a ninja either, he’s studied the registry of all the shinobi in their village.

His eyes zoom in on their joined hands, wondering why they would walk around in public like that. Suddenly, his mind takes him back to that day he saw her in the park walking with that same brown-haired man. The memory strikes him cold.

A loud thud nearly makes him jump and he quickly turns around.

Kakashi straightens the stack of papers he has just dropped on the desk and looks back at his pupil tiredly. “Let’s get started on these now, it’ll take a while to sort through them.”

Naruto blinks in surprise and then quickly turns back to the window only to discover that they are already gone. Unwillingly, he steps away from the windowsill and hurries back to the desk, ready to dive into the world of the Hokage that will help him forget.

“Remember,” Kakashi says as they both settle in their chairs. “Scheduling missions has _everything_ to do with success rates. A mission failed on a Monday could be a victory on Tuesday.”

“Right, right.” Naruto grumbles. He picks up the first sheet and examines it. “This one is an escort for a couple of merchants going to the next country.” He falls silent, thinking, and Kakashi watches him. “Team 16 comes back from their mission in three days, on Tuesday. They can take this mission on Wednesday then, right?”

“Aa. But Team 14 is on their day off and are back in rotation tomorrow. We could take care of this mission sooner if we use them.”

Naruto shakes his head. “Team 14 scores higher on ninjutsu, but Team 16 has a Hyūga.” His eyes narrow slightly and he quickly snaps himself out of it. “So…they’re better suited. The pass the merchants are taking go through a few mountains, so there are bound to be bandits. The Byakugan will be a big help.”

Kakashi nods. “Good work. That was an easy one though.”

“Heh, I know.” Naruto grins as he picks up a pen and fills out the details of the mission. For the next three hours, the two go through various mission requests and the best assignments that can be given to them.

“I think I’ll ask Lee and Tenten to supervise on this one. The genin in this team could use some exposure to close-combat. Let’s see…this Thursday should be fine.”

At this, Kakashi turned to him quizzically. “This Thursday? The twentieth?”

“Uhh…yeah? Why? Is something going on?”

“You’re kidding right?”

“It’s not my birthday, is it?” Naruto asks, half-joking. He’s forgotten before.

Kakashi sighs exasperatedly and kneads his hands behind his head. “Guess you’ve forgotten. Hinata’s getting married on Thursday, so I’m pretty sure Lee and Tenten won’t be able to take this mission or any of your other friends for that matter. Got anybody else in mind?”  Kakashi opens up their file of the mission rotation schedule for this ranking and doesn’t notice his pupil stiffen in his chair. The silver-haired Hokage hums to himself as his eyes scan over the documents but his mind is elsewhere. “Can’t wait for that feast. Hinata told me Yakiniki Q’s catering so it’s bound to be…Naruto?” Alarmed, he stares at his slack-jawed student who is staring holes into the wall. “What’s the matter with you?”

Snapping out of it, Naruto turns back to his teacher. “What? Oh, uh, yeah. I forgot.” He mutters. “Hinata is…Hinata’s getting married. I forgot.” This is a lie because Naruto had no idea she was getting married. Not now or ever.

“Riiiigght. Uh, let’s call it a night. You seem tired. We’ll pick this up tomorrow morning.”

“NO, I’m fine.” Naruto snaps, quickly snatching another mission request. Kakashi has no choice but to sit down and continue monitoring him. Naruto acts as natural as possible, deciding the best course was by talking. A lot. “Wow, this Thursday already? Time sure flies, huh Kakashi-sensei?” His pen flies at top-speed over the document. “It’s great that she’s getting married. Isn’t it? Yeah it’s great. Hey, I told her once that she’d make a heck of a wife someday and now look, she’s out there, and she’s going to be someone’s wife. Heh, who ever thought?”

“Uh—”

“Yeah, it’s great and all, but it’s a little early too, don’tcha think? Hinata’s real young too. Sakura’s not getting married yet and neither is Ino or Tenten. Dunno why she has to get married _now_ but I guess the early bird gets the worm, right?” Naruto laughs at his own proverb, though he’s pretty sure it has nothing to do with the situation at hand.

“Well, some like to settle down quickly—”

“Yeah, well, settling down _sucks._ ” He blurts without realizing it. Kakashi stiffens and turns in his chair to face the wide-eyed Hokage-in-training. “I-I mean…”

“…Naruto? Is something wrong?” Kakashi can’t help but reach out a hand hesitantly but Naruto quickly waves it away.

“Sorry I’m just a little stressed out is all.” He rubs at the back of his head.

Kakashi stares knowingly at him before sighing again and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m going to get some coffee. I’ll be right back.” He murmurs half-heartedly, inwardly sighing at the thought of the long night ahead of them. 

Naruto watches him leave and feels like an overreacting fool. His friends were bound to get married someday. Even Hinata.

 _You’re married too_ , he realizes. _And you have a child. You have your family already. Now Hinata is going to get hers._

He’s happy for her because he knows that she is happy for him.

Naruto returns to his training, diligently finishing up a report, painfully aware of the blood pounding in his ears.

* * *

 Later that night, he finds the wedding invitation he thought he had never received.

Naruto fishes the thick crumpled envelope out of the kitchen garbage bin and turns it over, recognizing Hinata’s neat and loopy handwriting that spells out his name and address. Even the name of his wife is spelled out next to his own.

He sees that it has already been opened and pulls out the white card.

_You’re Invited!_

_Please join Kosuke Hamasaki and Hinata Hyūga as two lives become one…_

Darkened cobalt eyes scan over the date and address and land on the inner corner of the card where a purple pen has left a note for him.

_Naruto-kun,_

_I know how busy you are these days but I hope you can make it. It would mean very much to me. By the way, Teuchi-san has agreed to cater for a few hours :)_

_Yours always,_

_Hinata_

Fire bubbles in his stomach as he checks the date of the envelope and realizes his wife threw this letter away almost a month ago. She had never planned on telling him. She had wanted him to miss the wedding of one of his dearest friends.

 _And_ Hinata had asked for an RSVP that clearly had never been sent.

He tucks the card into his pocket and storms into their bedroom where she is flipping through a book, deciding he has every right to pick a fight.

Their argument escalates into a full-blown quarrel, and picture frames are smashed, vases hurdled, and punches are thrown, all of them by her. He seizes her wrists before she can try another useless hit and demands, “ _Why?!_ ”

Her glare is cold as she stares into his eyes. “I know who she is to you. You think I don’t, but I do. You thought I wouldn’t find out, but I did.”

He releases her quickly, as if her touch burned him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Hinata’s my _friend_ and this is really important to her so I—”

“Save it, you idiot! The only one you’re fooling is yourself!” She breathes heavily and shoves him away from her, only managing to push herself back. “She doesn’t want you there. Trust me.”

At this, he can’t stop from snapping, “You don’t know anything about her!”

“I know that you’re the last person she’ll want to see at her wedding. After me, at least.” She is surprisingly calm as she says this and Naruto’s instincts are on high-alert.

“Wha…what are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about? I’m talking about the fact that this girl is clearly in love with you!” She smirks as he freezes up, his eyes widening to white saucers. His jaw drops. “Or, at least, she used to be.”

Naruto doesn’t know how to react. Though he is still frozen in shock, his brain reminds him how unlikely that is. That she is just trying to provoke him and piss him off.

But one look into her grinning eyes tells him everything.

He realizes just now how clever his wife really is. Not in the strategic sense like Shikamaru, or even academically like Sakura, and definitely not anything remotely similar to the wisdom in Jiraiya.

This is a cleverness that sees through everything. That knows a person’s weakness with one look into their eyes. Her cleverness was what separated her from all the other girls who had thrown themselves at him in his first tour around the world shortly after the Fourth Great War. Her cleverness had seen straight through him and knew how to get him to agree to a date, and to the one after that. Seducing him had been child’s play to her and convincing him that marriage was the only solution to her ‘unexpected’ pregnancy had been even easier.

He sees her eyes and her knowing stare and wonders how he could have missed it. She had planned this all along, from the moment she found out that _the_ Naruto Uzumaki was coming to her village.

He sees the true colors that had hidden themselves away until it was safe to come out, until it was too late to turn back.

He sees and he knows that this time, she isn’t lying. She has no reason to. Realization hits him like a Rasengan to his heart. Only the Rasengan hurts less.

Her arms cross over her chest as she turns back to the bed and climbs back in, picking up her book and resuming where she left off. “I’m not going to her wedding. If you really think it’s a good idea, go ahead.” And because she is so clever, she knows that he will not.

On Thursday, the twentieth, Naruto tells his friends he’s not feeling well and sends Hinata a letter with a very short message:

_I’m sorry._

* * *

 Naruto Uzumaki is the Seventh Hokage and the world is at peace.

Kakashi-sensei is happily retired but also a valuable member of his council.

Most of his friends have already married, except for the ones who have decided not to, and their children study to become the shinobi of the next generation.

His life is so perfect that he almost can’t believe it.

Naruto signs an important letter, dates it, and then glances at the framed photograph on his desk. Boruto Uzumaki’s foxy grin stares back at him and love swells in him.

Dammit, he loves that kid. Loves him so much that it’s easy to forget how much he can hate the little brat too. Just a few hours ago, he had watched as his son forcibly cleaned off the graffiti he had painted onto the Hokage monument, but not without his fair share of insults, wails, and accusations.

_“You never pay attention to me!”_

_“You’re supposed to be my dad, and you’re never home!”_

_“I don’t CARE if the village needs you too! I didn’t choose to be your son!”_

Naruto frowns. He had known that Boruto might not adapt easily to his new position but he really thought he would eventually understand. He had taught him all about his predecessors, especially the Fourth, his own grandfather. He was hurt but not shocked to see that Boruto cared for none of it. The kid was _such_ a brat.

He admits to himself it’s probably because his son takes after him very strongly. He was emotional as hell and after years of being the center of his parents’ lives, he didn’t take sharing the spotlight well. He acted up the way Naruto had done when he had been his age. Trouble, he realized, was the best way to get attention.

Insults were another one of his specialties. Like his mother’s, they always hit close to home. Naruto can see her cleverness in Boruto’s knowing blue eyes, the arch of his brow, the sharpness of his jaw and cheekbone.

Boruto being a whiny brat would be fine, expected, really, had it not been for the way he so callously treated others. He regarded Shino without the slightest hint of respect and didn’t care for any of his classmates. The new Ino-Shika-Cho generation are, according to him, “predictable and boring. Plus, ChoCho’s fat and weird, Shikadai’s a know-it-all, and Inojin’s mom is a whore.” He had received a sound smack to the temple at that.

Even Sarada Uchiha, who Naruto had thought might have been able to strike a friendship with his son, came in tears and an angry mother in tow after a horrible comment Boruto had said about her father. Sakura had almost demolished his office, demanding to know why he would tell Boruto about Sasuke’s dark days. Naruto had insisted he hadn’t told Boruto anything and they had both realized just who had.

Boruto was every bit the annoying troublemaker Naruto had been, and while Naruto was a pretty nice guy, it seemed it wasn’t enough to balance the mischievous kid. Compassion and kindness was something Boruto sorely lacked.

With a sigh, he decides he should probably get home before his son makes it back from school. Today of all days, he knows he should go home for dinner.

The sky is a terrific blue as he heads home and the day is perfect. Naruto nods and waves simple greetings to passing villagers who all stop and stare at their famous Hokage. He doesn’t blame them; he rarely mingles with them. After all, he’s never been so busy in his life. 

He passes by the Konoha Cemetery and Memorial and he decides to pay his respects before heading home. It’s been a while since he has had the chance to stop by and say a few words.

He visits the graves of the Third Hokage, Asuma-sensei, Shikaku Nara, and Inoichi Yamanaka and mumbles words of thanks. He bows at the memorial of the Third Great Shinobi War. Stares and silently prays as he kneels before the memorial of the Fourth Great Shinobi War. He has one more stop to make before heading home and he crosses over there hurriedly.

He realizes very quickly that Neji Hyūga’s grave is currently being visited.

Hinata Hamasaki looms over the plaque, hands on her bent knees, and long indigo ponytail picking up in the breeze. A little girl kneels besides her, her bright yellow shirt similar to the petals of the vase of sunflowers in front of them. They speak quietly to each other and Naruto is stunned and horrified to realize how long it has been since he has heard her voice.

“Of course. Since these flowers have the same name as you, Himawari.”

Himawari, Naruto thinks. Hinata’s daughter.

The little girl giggles. “Next time, maybe Papa will come with us.”

There is a moment of silence and Naruto realizes he has been discovered. He braces himself, bandaged hand forming a fist before immediately relaxing as he stares and waits to be acknowledged.

It’s like slow-motion as he watches her straighten and turn her head slowly to regard him. Pale eyes widen and his own blue ones can’t stop themselves from staring.

Motherhood suits her, he discovers, as she turns fully to face him.

Slowly, he takes a few steps towards her.

“Hinata…I…it’s been a while.” He says sheepishly, hand scratching the back of his head. Hinata doesn’t respond, only continues to stare, until a hand tugs on her shirt.

“Mama,” Himawari whispers, ducking to hide behind her mother from the strange man.

This snaps Hinata out of her stupor and she gently pulls her daughter to her side. “Mind your manners. Say hi to the nice man, he is your Hokage.” Her eyes lift back to Naruto’s and she speaks again, this time to him. “Hokage-sama, this is Himawari. My daughter.”

Naruto bites down on the corner of his lip at the sight of the young girl. She looks so much like Hinata that it hurts. Her hair and her face, the softness of her features, the gentleness of her expression. The way her little fingers play shyly with each other as she looks up at him and then quickly looks away. It reminds him of a time he wishes he could go back to.

Gingerly, he steps closer and bends his knees to meet her eyes. “Hey Himawari. It’s nice to meet you.”

She smiles at him bashfully and then turns her head to bury in Hinata’s leg. Naruto’s heart jumps at the sight and he can’t help the fondness he feels towards her. Maybe it’s the nostalgia, he reasons. He lets himself look at her for one more moment before pulling away.

Himawari Hamasaki is the most beautiful little girl he has ever seen.

And yet he cannot stand to look at her. 

He cannot help but recoil at the sight of the light hazel eyes she carries, or the freckles on her cheeks. Traits that he knows she did not receive from her mother.

He smiles at her once more before standing to his full height, which is a good foot above Hinata. The top of her head barely comes to his chin, he realizes. Hinata is still staring at him, a question in her eyes and Naruto quickly answers.

“I, uh, I wanted to come see Neji. Pay my respects, y’know.”

“Oh.” Hinata ducks her head, a small smile on her lips. “I see. Thank you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking him.” He says decisively, eyes narrowing slightly and Hinata’s brow dips at the sight of his fleeting turmoil. His eyes drop back down to Himawari and he clears his throat. “Himawari, your uncle Neji is one of the bravest men I ever knew. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.” His eyes flash back to Hinata’s. This time, he does not look away. “Or for your mom.”

Their stares meet and hold and for a few seconds, Naruto feels as if his world is slowly fading away. There is nothing but Hinata and her knowing eyes.

And then Himawari’s tiny voice breaks him out of his trance. “Th-this is Naruto-kun?” She whispers to her mother. The Hokage’s head snaps to Himawari in complete surprise to hear her say his name like that. When he glances back at Hinata, his throat locks up at the sight of her darkening cheeks, a signal of her embarrassment.

Hinata clears her throat softly. “Naruto-kun was an important part of Neji-niisan’s life, after all. I told her about everything you’ve done for him.” Her eyes close briefly and Naruto wonders if his heart is going to jump out of his chest, it’s pounding so violently. The knowledge that Hinata has told her daughter stories of him…it makes him feel almost short-of-breath. But thankful mostly. So thankful. He wants to thank her, ask her how her life has been, tell her he hopes she’s happy. Apologize for drifting away from her.

But he is content to stand there and watch her pretend not to notice his stares until she breaks their silence. Taking Himawari’s hand, she bows politely to him. “It was nice to see you, Naruto-kun. I hope you are doing well. Remember to rest, I know you can over-do it sometimes.” She smiles at him and he grins sheepishly at her honesty. “Have a nice night.”

He can only repeat her words back to her in a mumble as he watches the mother and daughter slowly trail out of the cemetery.

When he gets home, he sits down for dinner and ignores the way his son loudly berates him for being late. He disregards his wife as she stares at him suspiciously. He tunes out the rest of the world as his mind plays and replays his meeting with Hinata and Himawari.

Nothing can ruin today.

Nothing.

* * *

Winter is a beautiful sight in Konoha.

A light layer of snow hangs off the leaves of trees and the roofs of homes, bringing with it a chill that requires jackets and hats.

Well, except for Naruto. The cold doesn’t really affect him, now that his chakra control is so good, he can use it to even out his temperature without even trying. Anyways, he thinks, ramen can warm him better than any coat or hat can.

Besides him, his wife and son sit and sip from their own bowls. It has taken a little bit of time and a lot of effort on his part, but he really is trying to patch up his relationship with his family. He tries to understand things from their point of view and he knows he should be more sensitive to their needs and feelings. So far, it has worked. He managed to get them to agree to come out and mingle with the village.

“ _Daaaad_ ,” Boruto whines. “Just tell me—you won’t put that loser Mitsuki in my team, will you?”

Naruto sighs heavily through his nose. “I’m not telling you anything. You’re not even graduating for another year.”

“Hm.” Boruto crosses his arms. “I could graduate right now if you let me.”

“No, you couldn’t. You’re going to stay in school.”

Boruto sulks. “You always say how proud you are of me, and Aburame-sensei himself said that I’m a prodigy. If that’s true, then how come you don’t believe in me?”

“It’s not a matter of not believing in you.”

This time, his wife is the one to speak. “Boruto is at the top of his class.” Boruto shoots him a victorious grin. “His team better not slow him down. Don’t pair him with the dead-last.”

Naruto huffs and fumes silently at the way she openly questions him in front of their son. “Boruto, you can’t choose your teammates.”

“I’m not _choosing_ , I’m just _suggesting_ that—”

“We’re not talking about this anymore. End of discussion. Got it? Now eat your ramen.” He makes the mistake of glancing up and notices the way Teuchi and Ayame watch the scene carefully and rigidly.

He considers calling out to them, wanting to joke and chat like he used to when he was just a little brat. But they haven’t treated him the same since the day he came home from his tour with a _wife_ in tow. One whose tummy hadn’t even started to show yet, but she held it firmly and caressed it in a way that let everyone know who she was and that she was here to stay. It made a lot of people start looking at him differently, he realizes.

A little girl’s giggles force him out of his thoughts and he focuses on the wind-chime laughter that reminds him of a girl who always hid her laughter behind her hands. He turns around slowly, mindful of who is beside him, and not wanting to attract attention to himself.

The Hamasaki family strolls down the village path, each sporting grins, and flushed cheeks. Himawari, clad in a pink fur-trimmed jacket, winter boots, and a yellow beanie swings through the air happily, her hands holding on tightly to the hands of her parents at either side of her.

Hinata is a vision in the snow, with her warm form-fitting clothes, and a white-trimmed cap that partially obscures dark cropped locks. _When did she cut it?_ Her eyes close and she smiles openly at her daughter’s overjoyed shrieks of laughter as she and her husband swing her once again, careful not to pull at the little girl’s arms too harshly.

Then they release her, and Himawari skips happily in front of them, happy and excited to be out in the snow, but also mindful of her parents and she knows to stay close to them.

Behind her, Hinata and her husband walk together a little bit closer, hands coming back to find each other. A red, thickly knit scarf is wrapped around his neck and even from the distance, Naruto can clearly see that someone special has made it for him.

He thinks to look away before it is too late, but luck is not on his side. He witnesses Hinata’s husband pull her close to peck her cheek, Hinata responding predictably by flushing red and glancing around to make sure nobody has seen that public display of intimacy.

Their eyes meet.

Horror shows in both their expressions at making eye contact with the other, but it is quickly dropped. Naruto lifts his hand in a greeting, trying to smile as brightly as he can but only managing to muster a crooked grin. Hinata nods in response and turns away slowly, leaning slightly away from her husband but keeping her hand in his grasp. They walk out of sight.

Naruto releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and keeps his face turned away from his family until he can slap an appropriate expression on. Thirteen years ago, he would have pondered on his heavy heart for only a few seconds before deciding to forget about it. He knows now that his teenage self was so inexperienced with feelings and relationships that the slightest complication, the smallest change from normalcy made him believe he was only overthinking things. It was that way of thinking that kept him believing Sakura to be the girl he wanted. That made him believe Hinata was only his friend. He knows now that while he normally embraced change, his younger self had been so confused and startled by this slow change of heart that he had done the only thing he could think of: ignore it.

Thirty-year-old Naruto is not so naïve. He can identify and name everything he is feeling at this moment. Shame is the strongest one. 

* * *

There is one man in Naruto’s life that he feels has the answer for everything.

Regrettably, this is not something Naruto feels he should confide Iruka-sensei in. He trusts the man like no other, but _this…_ he doesn’t want his father-figure to see him like this. Especially considering Iruka’s role in Naruto’s life. He had been the one Naruto had taken with him—along with Sai—to visit the Hidden Villages of the world. Iruka had warned him to be careful with women, to not fall for any sweet words.

“ _There are plenty of girls to swoon over you back home. No need to leave a trail of broken hearts wherever you go. It’s not like you’re ever going to see them again anyways, right?” Iruka had said with a shrug._

It was that way of thinking that had gotten Naruto into all this trouble. His belief that he would not have to face these girls ever again made it easy to agree to one date, to let a girl fawn all over him if only to see what it would feel like. He had no way of knowing how quickly one thing led to another.

He would never forget the look in Iruka’s eye when he explained to him why he had to marry the girl he had only dated twice, the very same girl that Iruka had warned him to stay away from. Uncharacteristically, Iruka had yelled at him. Not in the funny way that reminded him of their academy days, but the kind of yelling with choked throats and tears in his eyes. Iruka had forgiven him because, really, it was too late to do anything about it. But there was a trust that Naruto had lost when he had disregarded his teacher’s advice.

There was another man, though, that Naruto felt far more comfortable admitting his problems too—if only because this man had committed many of his own mistakes and would tell Naruto so. It was too bad he was dead.

It didn’t stop Naruto from going to see him anyways, a bottle of sake in his hands. The memorial he had built in the forest with his own two hands fourteen years ago had stayed strong, as long as Naruto remembered to return and maintain it every so often.

“Hey Pervy-Sage!” He announces as he steps into the clearing. “Look what I brought you!” He holds up the bottle, a cheesy grin on his face.

“Great, we were just starting to run out!”

Naruto nearly shrieks and drops the bottle before noticing it is only Granny Tsunade sitting in the corner with a drunken flush on her face. “Granny! What the hell?!”

“Oh, calm down brat! And give that bottle here! Don’t just stand there.” She demands with a huff. Rolling his eyes but not able to stop his fond smile, Naruto lowers himself besides her and hands over the bottle. “Anyways, don’t mind me. Just came to get a few things off my chest.” She refills her saucer and sips from it with a pleased hum.

“Oi, granny, you’re gonna ruin your liver if you keep on drinking like that.”

She sighs in annoyance. “Naruto my boy I’ve got two words for you,” She holds up three fingers and counts them off as she speaks. “Cellular. Regeneration. Isn’t that right, Jiraiya?” She laughs loudly at her own cleverness. “Anyways, do me a favor and be quiet, brat. I’m just…” She trailed off in a loud yawn. “I’m just gonna rest my eyes for a second.” Tsunade slumps forward, already snoring, and Naruto sighs heavily at the sight, wondering how stressed out she must be feeling to be visiting Jiraiya this late at night and drunk enough to pass out. He’ll take her home as soon as he finishes here.

“Well, Pervy-Sage, I know it’s been a while since I’ve dropped by and I’m real sorry ‘bout that. But I’ve been pretty busy, y’know, being the Hokage and all. I don’t really have time for much. Not even for my own son.” He sighs through his nose. “But…I have a problem now. I dunno how to fix it. If it even _can_ be fixed. But, I figured, if anybody knows, it’s gotta be _you_ , right?

“So…so here’s the deal. Uhh…I’m married now. To this woman I met when I was touring the world after the war. We have a son together and everything. My life, it’s…it’s everything I’ve always wanted. I’m the Hokage. I’m married. I have a son who looks just like me. We have our problems, but we love each other. I’d protect my family with my life. They’re the most important people in the world to me.

“But… I can’t help but feel…like I’m missing something. Like my life wasn’t supposed to be like this. Like everything is just _wrong._ I’ve been ignoring it for years now but it’s just…it’s eating me alive. I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?” He sighs. “Anyways…I have to stop. I can’t keep doing this. I want to be happy but I don’t think I can be if I can’t put this behind me. I just don’t know how to do that.” Naruto leans back on his arms and stares up at the heavens. “So? What should I do?”

The silence is comfortable as Naruto waits. He’s not stupid enough to think he’ll get an actual answer, but telling Jiraiya all about his situation—something he has never acknowledged out loud—is hopefully the best way to make himself realize the answer.

“Ah. Love problems.”

Naruto’s head snaps up to the sound of Tsunade’s sleepy, drunken voice and he watches as she clumsily scoots herself up. “Granny? You ok?”

“I’m fine. Just had to sleep a little of the booze off, I guess.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know.”

“What?” He blanches. Tsunade shrugs lazily.

“Can’t say I’m surprised. You married a girl you knocked-up by accident. Of course your marriage was going to be a little rocky.” She sighs through her nose and looks up at Naruto, eyes hooded.

“Granny…” Naruto hesitates but presses forward. “You ever been in love?”

“Aa.”

“Not with Pervy-Sage though, huh?” He can’t help the heavy feeling in his chest as he asks this.

At this, Tsunade’s brow furrows. Expressive brown eyes dart to the memorial and then lower. “No. I was in love with another, back when I was much younger.” Her fingers grip onto the sleeve of her cloak. “I loved Jiraiya. I did. Of course, I cared for everybody and my duty to the village came before everything. But Jiraiya was the one person I could always depend on. Losing him was tough. Why do you ask?”

“Well…because…”

“You don’t love your wife.”

Naruto’s eyes widen and he’s quick to defend himself. “NO, I _do._ Love her, I mean. I swear I do. I’d protect her with my life.”

Tsunade ponders this with a hum. “What makes you think you love her?”

Naruto blinks, a little shocked at the callousness of her tone. “She’s my wife.” He states simply. “And the mother of my son.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Why do you think you love her?”

He hesitates for a few seconds, thinking it over, wondering if it is really okay to say these kinds of things out loud. Then again…he is the Hokage and so was Granny Tsunade. There are lots of secrets only the two of them know. So, he decides to continue. “Well…when I first met her, I thought her hair was real interesting. It’s like…what’s that color? Maroon, I think. Yeah. Maroon. Not exactly red, but not purple either. She’s funny, you know? When you get to know her. She likes to laugh a lot. She smiles a lot too. I thought she was pretty. Plus, she liked to hit me sometimes. Not hard or anything, but just a tap. Just to touch me, I guess. And I thought, a girl like her. That’s the kind of girl I have to be with.” At this, Tsunade turns to him. “It didn’t _have_ to be her, I guess, but I wanted it to be. She fit the bill, you know?” He scratches at the back of his head sheepishly. “She reminds me of my mom, you know.” His eyes lower a bit and his hands fist at his side. “Before my parents died, my mom told me everything she wanted me to know before it was too late. She wanted me to do good in school, take care of my money, eat healthy, all that stuff. She was also worried about what kind of girl I’d end up with, and she told me to find one that was like her. Anyways…. I guess that’s why I chose her.”

Tsunade leans back on her elbows, staring up into the dark sky. Naruto waits patiently for her advice. She’s smarter than him, he knows, and he believes that Tsunade might be able to understand what’s going on with him. Finally, she turns to look at him, opens her mouth, and takes a chug straight from the bottle, tossing it aside with a satisfied hum. Finally, she says, “That’s stupid. What made you think you needed to be with somebody like your mother when you’re already just like her?” She turns to regard him, slightly shaking her head. “That’s why you and your wife don’t work. Being friends is fine. _Dating_ is fine. But spending the rest of your life with a person that matches you in everything? It doesn’t work out.”

Naruto is silent, taking in this new information. “But…my mom…she said I should be with a woman like her.” The Hokage suddenly feels like a complete idiotic mama’s boy. He was too old to be talking like this!

Tsunade barely notices. “And what exactly is a woman like her?”

“Well, you know, loud, and strong, and opinionated, and stuff. Girls with confidence, I guess. I dunno.” He feels uncomfortable now, suddenly feeling extremely stupid for even bringing this up.

“And how many girls do you know that are like that?”

“Well…my wife. And Sakura.” His eyes lower to the ground before suddenly widening. Fuck.

“Now you get it.” Tsunade chuckles lowly before taking a sip straight from the bottle. “That’s what happens when you treat love like a game.”

Naruto doesn’t respond, very aware of the way he had steadily lost interest in pursuing Sakura once he didn’t need to fight for her attention anymore. But this was different. He hadn’t ended up marrying Sakura. He had married a woman he barely had any interest in in the first place.  

All this time, he had thought there was something wrong with him. He couldn’t understand why he couldn’t make himself love a woman who was supposed to be a good match for him.

Now he knows.

“Damn it.” He mumbles. And then it hits him. “ _Damn it.”_

“Hey, calm down.” Tsunade eyes him warily, already lowering the bottle, not liking the way his body is trembling.

But he can’t calm down.

Because he had _known._

He thinks of words said long ago, in fact, the very last words he had said to his father. Words he had asked him to take to his mother. He had wanted to tell his mom how hard he was trying to make her proud and that he was doing most of the right things, doing the things she had wanted him to, but when he had reached _that_ part, the part where she had asked him to choose a woman like her…he hesitated. Fumbled. _Wavered._

But he had tried to do it anyways. He didn’t want to let her down.

And now he was…

“Naruto.” Tsunade’s strong hand clapped down on his shoulder, steadying him. “Calm down.”

He takes a few seconds to compose himself, slowing his breath, reining in his emotions. “Granny. I fucked up.”

She doesn’t question him, knowing full well what he’s referring to. “It’s not too late to change things.”

“Yes it is.”

“ _No_ , it’s not. You can still be happy with her.”

“I’ve already tried!”

“You haven’t. I could see it the second you brought her to the village. You keep her at arm’s length.”

Naruto doesn’t deny it, dull blue eyes narrowing. “…what should I do?”

Tsunade sighs heavily, her pity for him evident. “Just…just be happy, Naruto. You have a wonderful family. You’re the Hokage. You have everyone’s respect. And _hey,”_ Tsunade lifts her arms in a carefree manner. “Being in love isn’t _that_ important. There are plenty of people who’ve never married and never even cared for it.” Naruto thinks of Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei, Tenten, Shino…they do seem pretty content. They’re not slowly dying from the inside like he is.

“So…I can just…pretend?”

“Well…just don’t overthink it. Instead of thinking about everything you missed, why don’t you focus on everything you’ve gained? A pretty wife. A talented son. A _family._ ”

“Yeah…yeah, you’re right. It’s just…I’m trying. I really am. But…”

“But what?”

“Well…I mean…I wasn’t always like this. Before, I was fine. I was happy enough. I think…I could have gone the rest of my life like that. I could have stayed with her and I would have been happy just to have somebody. But that changed. The day _she_ got married. I…I don’t know how to explain it. All I know is…I didn’t want to try anymore after that. It felt so wrong after that.”

Tsunade stares at him. “Naruto. You have to move on already.”

His hands ball up. “I can’t. It’s not that easy. If I could just forget about her, I would, but I can’t.” His hands relax when a thought crosses him. “Maybe…maybe if she just never got married. If she never met him. If she never had a daughter. Maybe then…I could have forgotten about her.” He laughs humorlessly. “It’s selfish, isn’t it?”

“Incredibly selfish.” Tsunade admits easily. Naruto sighs and then hangs his head in his hands.

“I don’t know what to do, granny.” His voice cracks from the weight of his shame. From the self-hatred. He can’t forgive himself for this. Tsunade sighs through her nose and glances at her successor.

“Everyone has regrets, Naruto. We’ve all made mistakes. I would know; I’ve made plenty.” Her eyes narrow slightly. “But that’s how life works. We make choices and we have to live with the consequences. There’s no going around that. The only thing we can do is make peace with our decisions. You can’t spend the rest of your life worrying over what-ifs. It’s a waste of time. Time that _you_ , Nanadaime-sama, do not have.” Tsunade stares at him pointedly. “Naruto. You’re the Hokage now. You have a village to protect. You’re not some lovesick teenager. You don’t have the luxury of only thinking about yourself. Understand?”

Naruto’s eyes do not soften but he nods resolutely anyways. “I know.”

Tsunade nods. “Good. I’m going home now. Thanks for the sake.” She stands slowly, hand still holding on to the bottle he brought.

“’Night, granny. And thanks.”

Tsunade holds out a hand in response. “I’ll see you later.” She only takes a few steps before halting. Without turning to look at him, she speaks again in a low tone. “Naruto. Go home. Your wife must be waiting for you.”

Naruto nods and stares at the ground as he listens to the sound of Tsunade heading home. He glances up at Jiraiya’s grave.

“Well…wish me luck, Pervy-Sage.”

* * *

When he’s here, he feels like he is at the top of world. When he’s here, his problems do not come with him. He is alone up here and maybe that is why he feels so at peace.

Naruto perches on the tallest peak of the Yondaime’s sculpted likeness on the Hokage Monument, watching the village below him. His own face is carved just to his right, but he feels uncomfortable just looking at it sometimes. He finds it odd, considering it had always been his dream to have his face up here, but the thought seems so trivial now.

He doesn’t come here often. Doesn’t have the time to do that. But when Shikamaru is in a good mood, and the workload can wait until tomorrow, he’ll leave three hours early and come here. When he’s here, silent and pensive, he can understand why some people can live as hermits. There’s a freedom in solitude, he knows, and remembers a time of his life when he had been alone, had _always_ been alone, and had hated it. It’s different now. He feels suffocated under the weight of the people that depend on him. But this was his choice and it is still not a choice he regrets. He is the strongest and with power comes responsibility.

With that thought, he bends his legs, arms laying slack atop his thighs. Kurama’s chakra engulfs him, sharpens his every sense, strengthens his every fiber. The power of the mighty fox’s chakra does not overwhelm him, not anymore, and he easily reigns it in to form his chakra cloak.

Shadows dance around him as the glow of chakra surrounding him fluctuates until stabilizing. At last, he can breathe. Bright golden eyes open slowly, narrowed in concentration. Now, he can begin. A nightly sweep of the village has become routine, though he normally does it from his office. But it feels better here. He can _feel_ better from here.

In this mode, he can feel any type of negative energy and pinpoint its’ location. Combined with his chakra-detecting, it’s a safe, non-intrusive way of combing through the village for any malicious intent. With his several years of practice, he can do this in just a few minutes. Usually, the only negative thoughts and feelings he picks up on are from the villagers who’ve just had a bad day. Not uncommon.

Tonight, however, his brain halts so suddenly, that he’s on his feet before he even knows what he’s doing. For just a split second, he hesitates, because he remembers that this is exactly the kind of thing Tsunade has warned him against, but his hesitation melts away.

Hinata is in trouble. He can feel it. Her chakra—usually light and warm and so very familiar—is tinged with confusion, sorrow, and the littlest bit of anger, but it’s enough to make him decide he’d better check out the situation. Especially when he realizes she is alone in the middle of the forest. _She needs me_ , he thinks.

He leaps off the spike of his father’s hair, soaring the air, calculating the correct time to bend his knees, and he lands perfectly on a rooftop before taking to the air again. A prickling of his senses lets him know his ANBU are on the move, startled by his sudden action, and he signals a safe-word to let them know this is not an emergency. He pauses and waits for them to fall back before continuing.

He is getting closer, and he narrows in on Hinata’s signature…only to realize that she is also on the move. Naruto grits his teeth and focuses directly onto her chakra, tuning out all others, and he can sense that he is being watched. No doubt, Hinata’s Byakugan is activated and she had seen him coming.

But then…

Did that mean she was running away from him?

The thought startles him, saddens him, but also makes his brow furrow. Determined, he presses forward.

He is not the Hokage for nothing, and in a split second, he has moved so fast, that he appears directly in front of Hinata. Her sprint comes to a halt as she skids to a stop, arms braced at her sides.

He drops his Sage mode, lets the Kyuubi’s chakra recede, and now he is only Naruto.

For a long while, no one spoke. Only stared.

Hinata’s Byakugan deactivates and he sees her lips press tightly together—nervousness, he knows. Her eyes lower and she drops her defensive position, slightly turning to the side. Naruto himself also relaxes, takes a breath he was not aware he was holding, and then looks her over.

Hinata is in navy training gear, with shin-high shinobi boots, and a shinobi pouch clipped to her back pocket. The sight of this confuses him; Hinata is retired and has been for several years, since the day she discovered she was pregnant. The memory of receiving her letter of resignation and staring at it, re-reading the same medical check-off in Sakura’s handwriting, comes to him and he quickly pushes it away.

He looks at her head-on now, waiting for her to speak, before realizing she is not.

There is nothing but silence.

Dead silence.

And a lot of awkward staring. It reminds him of a day that passed more than eighteen years ago. He remembers hurrying to the final round of the Chunin exams, passing through the forest, and running into Hinata. It was the first time he had a conversation—a _real_ conversation—with her. And, like now, it had been very weird and awkward. But also nice. Nicer than he had felt in a long time.

He comes back to the present and sees the way she stares cautiously at him, a question in her eyes, but not willing to ask it. Naruto is suddenly very aware of the fact that they have not been alone together for more than thirteen years.

He clears his throat. “I, uh, I didn’t scare you, did I?” He attempts to sound as carefree and non-threatening as possible, but for the life of him he cannot get rid of that ball in his throat that cracks his words and deepens his tone more than he means to.

Hinata’s lips part, and then close. Her eyes dart to his and then glance around themselves. “No. No, I was just heading home.”

He nods. “What, uh, what are you doing here? It’s late. You probably shouldn’t be in the forest by yourself.”

Hinata nods once in agreement. “I know.” He waits for the rest of her explanation, and when it doesn’t come, he decides to keep pressing.

“Your Byakugan was on. Did something happen? Something I should know about?” As soon as the words come out, his brain screams at him. _IDIOT! STOP PRYING!_

Hinata shakes her head. “No, Hokage-sama. Nothing to worry about.”

Naruto winces slightly at the title. “Ah, that’s a little too formal. I mean, we’re…friends, right? You can call me by my name. You always have.”

Hinata grins slightly. She agrees with a nod and says in a low tone, “Okay, Naruto-kun.”

He grins in return. A small part of him thinks he is much too old for an honorific like that, but he beams anyways. He can’t help it. “Hinata.” He replies back. He watches the way her cheeks tint slightly and then remembers his reason for tracking her down in the first place. “Anyways, what are you doing here, Hinata?”

She tugs at the sleeve of her shirt. “I was training. Just for a little bit.”

His brow furrows. “Aren’t you retired?”

“Yes. Yes, I am, but…I don’t think I could ever stop training actually. It’s a habit.”

“Oh. So…you’ve been doing this for a while?”

She nods. “Yes. Not usually _here_ , but…I suppose…I just felt like being alone.” Her eyes drop to the ground as she says that, arms coming up and wrapping around her chest.

“Oh. Makes sense, I guess.” He scratches at his head and when Hinata doesn’t respond, he continues. “So…you’re retired now. That’s…nice. What do you do now?”

“Um…not much. I help with the shop most of time. When I’m not doing that, I’m with Himawari.”

“Right, right. So…uh…” He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but he decides to ask anyways. “I guess you saw me coming, huh?”

Hinata hesitates, looks down at the ground, her bangs covering her eyes. “Y-Yes.”

He nods at this, looks down at his feet. Slowly, he glances back at her and waits for her to meet his eyes. “Why did you run?” 

Her eyes widen and he can almost hear her heartbeat pick up. Hinata’s hands clench and she takes a few steps back, away from him. “I-I have to get home.” She tries to go around him, and Naruto finds himself moving to block her way. Her widened, startled eyes ask the same question that he has been trying to figure out for years: _what are you doing?_

He doesn’t know.

But he realizes he will probably never have this opportunity again and he doesn’t intend to let this go. “Can we talk?” He asks in a low tone, almost a mumble, and he stares cautiously at her. “It won’t take long. Just a couplea minutes.”

Hinata’s hands come together to fist on the front of her shirt, reminiscent of her childhood tendencies, that familiar quirk of never being able to stand still. “It’s very late, Naruto-kun. If…you wanted to go back to your office, we can talk tomorr—”

“Now’s fine.”

Her argument dies on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she slowly nods.

Slightly amazed that she has agreed, Naruto lowers himself to the ground and looks up at her expectantly. Hinata lowers to her knees, ankles bent behind her.

It’s quiet again, and though it’s not wholly uncomfortable, Naruto doesn’t think he can stand to let this go on any longer. “It’s been a while,” He begins, looking down at his hands, examining the wrappings on his right arm. “Since we talked, I mean. At least, just the two of us.” He thinks of mutual friends. Children. Spouses. Conversations that didn’t last beyond a few minutes. Greetings. Good-byes. Thirteen years, he thinks, is a long time to let things go unsaid.

She nods.

“I’m sorry that I came at you out of nowhere. I didn’t mean to scare you or anything.”

“It’s okay. I know what you were doing.”

“You do?”

“Mm.” She nods. “When I train, I use my Byakugan. I can see…practically the whole village at once. So, I’ve seen you using Kurama-sama’s chakra and sweeping the village for it.”

Naruto nods. He lets himself ponder on the fact that Hinata has been watching him—maybe unintentionally, maybe not—and he files it away to think about later. “Are you okay?”

Hinata smiles and it startles him to see how grim it is. “I just had a bad day. Nothing to worry about. I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

“Do you…maybe wanna talk about it?” He is not surprised to see her shake her head. Though he is aware that there is no reason he should expect her to open up to him, the fact that she doesn’t still hurts a bit. “Hinata…we’re still friends, right?”

She nods immediately. “O-Of course we are.”

He relaxes a little, somewhat relieved. He never dwelled heavily on it, but a small part of him had always feared that she hated him. He’s smart enough to know that maybe she doesn’t like him as much as she used to, but at least she doesn’t hate him. Then again, he thinks, Hinata’s not capable of hating anybody. “That’s good. ‘Cuz, you know, I kinda thought that…” He hesitates, then changes the topic. “Anyways…we should talk.” Naruto looks at her in a way he hopes she can understand.

And, because she is Hinata, she does. She nods in agreement, and he can sense the heaviness in her decision. This will not be a light discussion. This will be a conversation years in the making. And they are not unaware that maybe, for that very reason, this is not something they should talk about.

Naruto watches her for a few seconds, slightly marveled that Hinata, who he knows doesn’t like conflict and goes out of her way to avoid it, has agreed to this. Maybe, he thinks, Hinata needs this too. The possibility that Hinata might feel the same way he does—might know the thoughts that have plagued him for years—encourages him to keep going.

“So—”

“You didn’t come to my wedding.”

Naruto’s words die in his throat and it takes a few seconds to snap himself out of it. But he can’t shake off the shock that Hinata is the one who brought this up, and he stares at her with widened eyes. For once, she stares back without any hesitation. Her dark hair, cropped to her narrow shoulders, sways slightly in a breeze, lavender eyes set in a hard stare, and if this isn’t the image of a vindicated woman, he doesn’t know what is. For once, he doesn’t know what to say, except maybe the one thing he knows she doesn’t want to hear right now.

Hinata finally drops her stare. Her hands fold on her thighs, and she clears her throat lightly. Waiting.

He tells her the truth because, though he has lied to himself often, he would never lie to her. “I didn’t think it would be a good idea if I went.”

Hinata’s head lowers at this. “Ah. So…you know, then.”

It’s odd, he thinks, how calmly she has said this. _This_ that has haunted him ever since he realized it. Slowly, he nods. Mutters a low, ‘ _Yeah.’_

“I thought so.” Hinata replies softly. “That’s why you avoided me, isn’t it?”

Naruto is hit with the strong desire to refute it, to deny that he has ever gone out of his way to evade Hinata. But that’s his shame talking, and he knows it. So he nods again, not trusting himself to speak.

“You didn’t have to.” Hinata continues.

Naruto shakes his head. “I know. I know, but…I didn’t think it’d be fair to you.” He hangs his head a little. “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore.”

Hinata draws back a little, settling on her backside, and drawing her knees up to lean on them. “I waited for you. I thought, maybe, you were just running late. Sakura-chan asked me to give it an hour. But then your letter came and I knew.” She pauses and Naruto is glad because he really doesn’t want to hear any more of his crimes. “How did you find out?” There is nothing but curiosity in her tone.

Naruto hesitates, not wanting to recall that night of screaming and breaking glass and revelations that came too late. And it hadn’t really been him that figured it out. Before he can respond, Hinata cuts in.

“Did your wife tell you?”

Hearing Hinata say that makes his jaw clench and he turns to her. “How’d you know?”

She hesitates slightly too, but presses on anyways. “I just had a feeling. After we talked—”

“You _met_ her?!” Naruto is dumbfounded by this. He couldn’t even fathom the thought of Hinata and his wife being in the same room together, let alone _speaking_. And he thought he had done a pretty good job of keeping them separate.

Hinata nods. “I went to your house to give you the invitation. You weren’t there, but she was.” Naruto is silent at this simple explanation, wanting to hit himself for his stupidity. “She invited me to come inside and have tea.” At his look of complete bewilderment, she laughs a little bit. “I thought it was weird too, especially after everything the girls told me.” _The girls,_ Naruto thinks _, being Sakura, Ino, and Tenten. All women who hated his wife. And probably had every reason to._ “She was very nice to me. Mostly, she asked me questions.”

“About what?” He asks almost fearfully.

Her lips pucker slightly, her distaste evident. “What happened with Pain.” Hinata gripped her arms tighter, fingers clenching into her skin. “And the war. Neji-niisan.”

His nostrils flare reactively, and he grits his teeth. “I’m sorry. She had no right—”

“It’s okay.” She says softly and he forces himself to relax. “She was…just curious. She said she had heard some things and wanted to see if they were true. That was all. But…I had a feeling there was more to it.”

There is silence again, a contemplative, heavy silence.

Naruto looks sideways at her, studies the bridge of her nose, the flare of her bottom lip. The way she purposefully avoids his gaze. He thinks of her words. From the Chunin exams, to Pain’s invasion, to the great war. Their light conversation in between. He wonders how he could have missed that she loved him. How he had fooled himself into believing the depth of her feelings for him did not go past the love she felt for everybody. Hinata was so nice and caring, it was easy to convince himself he wasn’t _that_ special in her eyes. But that also feels like a lie. Maybe he had known. Maybe he had just been afraid.

“Hinata, I…I didn’t mean to avoid you. I wasn’t ignoring you or anything. I know it must sound dumb, but I…I just didn’t get it. It didn’t click for me the way it clicked for—” He almost makes the mistake of uttering his wife’s name. “I was too stupid. I’m _still_ too stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, Naruto-kun.” Hinata says softly, tugging at her sleeves. A little part of him hurts when she says that, because he knows she means it. It reminds him of when they were younger, and how…secure he had always felt with her. How easy it was to let down his guard with her. Show her the vulnerabilities he’d never had the courage to let anyone else see. It’s a trust he doesn’t have with anyone else.

Maybe that was why it had hurt so much to learn she had always been insecure with him. Had kept a secret from him because she didn’t trust him enough not to break her heart.

“It’s not your fault.” She states strongly, clearly noticing his torment. “It’s…it’s me. It’s always been me. It was never about you.” She studies her hands, her fidgeting fingers. “In the end…I waited too long. I kept holding myself back.” Her head lowered. “I was a coward.”

He can’t help feeling outraged just hearing her say that. “You’re not a coward! You’re the bravest person I know!”  

She shakes her head, completely unaffected by his burst of emotion, and he is almost amazed by how easily she can disregard herself. He wishes she could understand how fascinating he has always found her. The silent strength, her unbreakable resolve. The way she always shouldered her pain with a smile. “You know…I had promised to myself that I was going to talk to you. I was afraid, but I convinced myself rejection was better than never knowing. I was so nervous.” She smiled a little, clearly embarrassed. “I counted down the days until you would return from your tour.” His heart stops. “And when you came home…” Hinata’s eyes lower. She sits in silence as his throat tightens.

It hurts. It hurts to breathe.

Naruto thinks of the crowd he greeted when he returned home from the tour. Of the people he passed by as he headed inside the village.

The thought of Hinata standing there, waiting for him, only to see him with another woman, a _pregnant_ woman…

He wants to die.

Die so that he would never again have to see that sad, sweet smile on her lovely face that crushed him into a million pieces.

A lot of silence passes again, strained and tense, as they stare ahead of them. There is nothing but the sound of chirping crickets and leaves crinkling in the breeze. He waits for his breathing to return to normal.

“I’m sorry.”

She turns to look at him, pearly eyes widening slightly. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

He shakes his head. “Yes there is. I was so stupid.” He pauses for a second, recalling everything that has led to this moment. “I never wanted to hurt you.” He turns to her again and stares at her, silently willing her to understand. At her doubtful expression, something in him snaps. “Hinata, you have to believe me. Out of _everybody_ , you’re…you’re the _last_ person I’d ever—” His voice cracks and breaks when she turns away. Hinata refuses to look at him. So unlike her, that the raw emotion in such a simple act destroys him. His resolve dies, along with his word. What more is there to say? No amount of apologies in the world can make up for betraying someone like her.

Hinata sighs heavily through her nose. Her eyes are fixed in the distance. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”

“No. _No_ , that’s not…I don’t…” He hesitates.

Is it? Is this why it hurts to look at her? Why he avoided her?

At his silence, Hinata turns to glance at him. He can feel her eyes trail over him. Examine him. Analyze him. “I’m happy.” She tells him. The corner of her lips pull up in a half smile. “Don’t worry about me. Okay?”

His stubbornness makes him want to refuse. He wants to be selfish and tell her he’ll always worry for her. But he can’t do that. Especially not now when she looks like she is trying so hard to convince him and herself. The guilt in him wells up so strongly that it settles in his stomach like an anchor. He feels like a curse.

_You were supposed to be the hero._

It’s ironic, he thinks, how fiercely he had always protected her when they were younger, had vowed to fight for her and her honor.

Slowly, he nods. “Okay.” It sounds like a whisper, but she hears him easily. Smiles, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. Hinata rises to her feet, and Naruto is quick to jump up beside her. “You’re leaving?” He can’t help his shock.

She nods. “I should have been home thirty minutes ago. They might worry.” Arms stiff at her side, Hinata bows politely. “Good night, Naruto-kun.” She turns to leave.

“W-Wait,” He blurts before she can take another step, and Hinata pauses, glancing behind her. “Can I at least walk you home?”

Her hand curls to her chest, as if she has been asked the meaning of life. Even Naruto can see the hesitation, the doubt plaguing her.

But Hinata is nothing if not polite and well-mannered, and he is not surprised when she nods. Slowly, she turns and continues, waiting for Naruto to fall into step beside her. Out of respect, he chooses to keep a pace behind her.

“It’s not far.” She says from in front of him, and he nods though she can’t see him. The walk back into the village is silent, and Naruto doesn’t complain. There is a lot to think about, after all. He chooses to focus on her instead. He watches the swish of her hair bouncing from her shoulders, the bobbing of the pouch strapped to her backside, the strain of her knuckles fisted into the sleeves of her shirt.

He listens to the sound of dirt crunching underneath their shoes—the light tap of Hinata’s feet, followed by the louder thud of his.

For once, it doesn’t feel so wrong. For once, as short-lived as it may be, Naruto and Hinata are on the same path. Just this once, they’re side by side again.

Suddenly, she stops and Naruto pauses behind her. She turns slowly and gives him a small grin. “This is me.” Naruto looks up at the building she has stopped in front of. His brow furrows. An apartment complex. Seeing his stare, Hinata continues. “It’s the one with the green curtains.”

He stares up to the third floor, and catches the sight of olive colored silky curtains. A lit candle is at the windowsill, just barely illuminating the room inside. He can see the outline of a lamp.

 _An apartment_ , he thinks bitterly. _She lives in an apartment._ It’s unacceptable. Hinata is a _Hyūga_. She was born in the lap of luxury, and has been reduced to this. Naruto wonders why she would accept a man who clearly can’t maintain the lifestyle she is used to.

And that’s another thought. He doesn’t like that Hinata still sees the need to keep up her training. She’s not a kunoichi anymore. He remembers very specifically when they were seventeen years old and she had confided to him that she had planned to retire soon. He had understood, no questions asked, and had even reassured her that he’d be her Hokage and would protect her from anything.

It’s clear to him that Hinata is the protector in her family, the stronger one in her marriage. Her husband can’t keep her safe. Or secure. Or happy.

He is a failure.

Naruto’s darkened eyes narrow.

“It’s bigger than it looks.” She continues quietly. “And it’s enough. Plus, there is a market just down the street, and it’s next to the shop.” She gestures toward a store across the street, the lights off, a _Closed_ sign hanging off the doorknob. An apothecary. Naruto hadn’t even known what that was until he found out what Hinata’s husband did for a living. 

Without thinking, he responds, “The Hyūga compound is on the other side of the village.” Hinata’s eyes lower, and he’s quick to apologize. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just, y’know, thinking out loud!”

“It’s okay.” There is more silence until Hinata clears her throat. Reluctantly, Naruto acknowledges that it is time to say good-bye.

“Hinata?” He waits until she is looking at him. “Thanks. For talking with me. I…I needed it.”

She nods. “Do you feel better?”

“Mm.” He nods once.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Uh. Maybe…maybe it doesn’t have to be so awkward anymore. I could…I could say hi, right? And it wouldn’t be weird? I wouldn’t make you uncomfortable?”

Hinata smiles and it’s the most genuine one she has given him in a long time. “I would like that.”

A small sigh of relief escapes him, and he grins good-naturedly. “Good.” His eyes screw shut and he smiles so widely, it hurts his jaw a little, but he presses on, “I’ll say ‘hi’ tomorrow! And the day after that! Count on it!” He opens his eyes and allows himself to gaze down at her for a few seconds, study the way her eyes have also closed in a warm grin, and he can see that her hands have relaxed. She doesn’t look so pained now, and he decides he will never make her feel that way again.

She had said herself that avoiding her had been unnecessary; she was happy and that wouldn’t change if he decided to come back into her life.

They say a quick good-bye, and though Naruto has never liked that word, it’s different now. The farewell comes with a promise, a promise that he _can_ give her and that won’t betray him or her.

And as they part, he can feel it in the air as he takes to the roof tops, and heads home.

_I’ll see you soon._

* * *

He finds her in the marketplace, like he does every Thursday. Her back is to him, perusing through a stack of turnips, and he takes this rare moment of her obliviousness to watch her. A vendor approaches her, greeting her warmly, and she smiles in return. The easiness of her comfort intrigues him, beckons him, and he approaches steadily.

Exclamations of _“Hokage-sama!”_ and _“Nanadaime!”_ cause him to pause, and he looks back up just as Hinata turns around. Their eyes meet, a silent greeting in both their expressions. Her small smile and the tint of her cheeks. His widening grin and the lowering of his lids.

She pays for her groceries and starts to head out, mingling into the crowd of villagers, and he’s quick to make another few Shadow clones. One goes to an elderly lady hobbling around her cane, another to a cluster of merchants who were expecting him, and the other to…

“Hinata!”

Naruto jogs to her side, cape flying behind him in the wind. Hinata isn’t surprised to see him—again—and she nods and smiles. “Ah, Nanadaime-sama” She doesn’t call him ‘Naruto-kun’ in public. “I’ve been running into you a lot.”

“Yeah, I’ve always gotta bunch of clones out making rounds. So, you were bound to start see me everywhere eventually.” He laughs a little too forcefully and immediately falls into step besides her, like he always does.

It hadn’t been long after their meeting that Naruto realized how easy it was to run into Hinata—or rather, how easy he could make it. Anyways, it wasn’t like he was being irresponsible or anything. They were just clones. He had thousands of them at his disposal, and the real him was safe and sound in his office.

Anyways, it’s not like Hinata noticed. She always looked just as surprised to see him as he was to see her.

“Need a hand with that?” He offers nonchalantly, and is not surprised when Hinata tries to refuse him. “Hinata, I’m the Hokage, ne? I can carry groceries. Promise I won’t break your eggs.”

She laughs softly at that and hands them over. “Okay, but if you pop, you owe me new groceries.” Hinata’s attempt at banter always leaves him slightly breathless, excited to see a side of her that is willing to joke with him. The two slide into easy conversation.  

Nothing major. There is no heavy talk, like there had been at their reunion. It was simple conversation. She’d ask about his day, and he’d tell her how boring it was to be the Hokage. He, in turn, asks her how Himawari is doing and listens with a smile as she recounts how Himawari is doing at school, how she is still learning how to mold chakra, and that her Byakugan will probably awaken soon.

He isn’t surprised to learn that Hinata always has something to say. Even to things he would expect her to shy away from.

_“Boruto-kun acts up because he is too much like his father.” She said with a grin. “He doesn’t mean it when he says he doesn’t care about you or the village. He just wants to know that he is important in your life, more important than being Hokage.”_

_“Of course he’s more important!” He couldn’t help snapping. This felt like an argument he has had with himself a hundred times over. Hinata didn’t flinch. She focused a sharp look at him, eyes narrowed._

_“Have you ever told him that?”_

_“I…” He was momentarily stunned at her expression, the motherly instinct that almost made him cower. “I shouldn’t have to. He’s my son.”_

_“Sometimes, even when it’s obvious, people like to be told that they are loved. Especially when they’re insecure. I should know.” She laughed a little at that, and her eyes lowered to the ground, looking like she was reminiscing. “Anyways…you should spend some time with him. I bet he’d love to train with you all day if he could.”_

_“You think so?” Sometimes, Naruto was convinced that his son hated him. That nothing he could do would win back his affection._

_“Mm. I know so.”_

Naruto should have been surprised that Hinata knew his son so well, but he wasn’t really. Her intuition was tuned to perfection, and he knew that Hinata’s judgement—even if only based on instinct and first impression alone—was sound. He supposed that was why she had always been kind to him. Even when he was an annoying brat with zero to little social skills, Hinata treated him like she treated him now as the Hokage. It’s what made him believe their closeness was inevitable, and though he didn’t weigh much on things like fate and destiny, Naruto decided it was out of his hands.  

“So what’s for dinner tonight?” Naruto peeks through her bags, not surprised to see nothing but healthy foods.

“Salmon, I think. I haven’t decided if I’m going to make kimchi though.”

“How come? You don’t even like fish.”

“Uh…” Hinata tugs at the sleeves of her white long-sleeve. “Ah, I did tell you that, huh?” She clears her throat. “Um, well, my husband likes seafood so…”

“Oh.”

There is silence for a few awkward moments. He wishes he never asked.

“Ah, Kiba-kun!” Hinata gasps in excitement and Naruto stiffens beside her. Sure enough, the bearded best friend of Hinata comes strolling towards them, an eyebrow lifted.

“Hey Hinata.” He turns to the Hokage. “Nanadaime.”

“Kiba.” He acknowledges. “Where’s—”

“ _ARF_!” Akamaru trots to Hinata’s side, nuzzling her thigh.

“Hello Akamaru.” She scratches at his ear and looks back up at Kiba. “How are you, Kiba-kun?”

“Ah, not too shabby. Hey, I’m heading your way so I’ll walk ya.” Kiba steps towards Naruto and reaches for the bags. “I’ll take ‘em.”

Instinctively, Naruto draws the groceries closer, eyes narrowing. Kiba’s brow furrows and Naruto quickly snaps out of it. “Uh. Here.” He slides the bags into Kiba’s waiting arms and backs off, not daring to check Hinata’s reaction. The indigo-haired woman steps towards Kiba and then turns around.

“Thank you for helping me with my groceries, Hokage-sama. It was a pleasure seeing you.”

He holds up a hand, waving away her gratitude. “Yeah, anytime, Hinata. I’ll, uh, see you around.” He returns her smile and lets it drop as soon as she turns around. Kiba and Hinata walk off together, Akamaru at their side, as Naruto watches.

Kiba glances at him from over his shoulder, and their eyes meet in a weird, uncomfortable way that Naruto has never felt before. Just as quickly, Kiba looks away and his attention is re-focused on Hinata. Naruto watches them for a few seconds more before dispelling.

At the Hokage tower, Naruto’s head lifts from his busywork.

* * *

Naruto is not surprised when it begins to catch up to him. 

“People talk, Naruto. What you and Hinata are doing…it’s not right.” Sakura stares at him pleadingly, hands folded in her lap. The Hokage doesn’t spare a glance at her as he types away at his computer, eyes trained on the screen.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t act dumb. Especially not with me.”

At this, he sighs and lowers his hands from the keyboard. He wants to look exasperated, but is finding it slightly harder not to show his panic. “Sakura...it’s…it’s not your business.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, whatever you think is going on, you’ve got the wrong idea.”

“Oh really? Care to elaborate? What exactly am I thinking?”

He fumes silently. “So I talk to her sometimes. What’s the big—”

“Talking? Me and you are talking. What you’re doing is _not_ just talking.” Sakura cuts in. Naruto opens his mouth to retort that, but she quickly cuts in again. “We’ve _seen_ you, Naruto, so don’t deny it. Carrying her groceries for her. Walking her home. _Looking_ for her.”

“Those were my Shadow clones.” He clarifies, like it means anything. “It doesn’t cut into my work.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what _is_ your point? My clones run around the village carrying old grannies around all the time, no one’s coming here yelling at me for that.”

“I’M NOT YELLING!” Sakura’s fists almost slam down onto his desk before they catch themselves. Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes. “I’m worried. Okay? Hinata’s my friend and I don’t want—”

“She’s my friend too.” His voice takes a defensive tone, straightening in his seat to stare at her head-on. “Look, Sakura, you don’t get it, okay? I’m not—”

“Don’t get what? That you feel guilty for ignoring her for more than ten years?” She doesn’t flinch when his eyes harden. “That you’re trying to make up for lost time? That you want to be there for her now the way you never were before?” Green eyes stare challengingly into blue ones. “I get it. Believe me, I get it. But you’re going about it all wrong.”

“How?”

“Because it’s not just you, Naruto. This isn’t just about you and your feelings. This is about Hinata too. Your wife. Her husband. Boruto. Himawari. This isn’t just about you. And the village…” She shakes her head. “There are already so many rumors about you and your wife, you’re just dragging Hinata into the mix.” Sakura waits for him to say something, but his jaw is clenched and he doesn’t meet her eyes. “Just…leave her alone.”

“No.”

“ _Naruto._ ”

“I won’t do it.”

“You idi—”

“I’m not gonna hurt her again. Don’t you see? I _can’t_ hurt her again. I won’t do it.”

Sakura’s eyes widen and she stares at him, this man who has changed so much from the thoughtless boy she used to know. “Naruto…you’ve got to get over it. What happened…that was years ago. “He rolls his eyes, dismissing her as he gets back to his work. Angered, Sakura raises her voice. “You’re blowing things out of proportion. You keep insisting that there’s some deep history between you two when there _isn’t_. You don’t have to beg for forgiveness for not returning her feelings! Hinata’s over it! She’s married! You’re married! I’m married! We’re all married and happy so stop ruining it!” Naruto doesn’t reply, soundly ignoring her as he types at his computer. “This isn’t some tragic romance. This is real life. And in real life, first loves aren’t always forever.”

“Easy for you to say.” He mutters. “You got Sasuke in the end, didn’t you?”

“Don’t make it sound like I trapped him!”

“I’m not saying you did! But don’t say you understand what I’m going through because you have no idea—” He freezes just as Sakura’s glare becomes glacier.

“I knew it. I _knew_ you were—”

“Go home, Sakura.”

“You’re kicking me out?”

“No. I’m asking you to leave. Shikamaru’s here.” The Hokage stands from his desk just as there’s a knock on the door. Sakura stares at him heavily.

“I warned you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She picks up her folders and storms out of his office, just as Shikamaru steps in.

“What’s her problem?” The adviser glances at her over his shoulder.

“No idea. Got something for me?”

“Aa. One more meeting and you can go.”

Naruto’s eyes narrow, glancing at his planner on his desk. “I didn’t see anything about another meeting.”

“This one came in just a few moments ago.” Shikamaru replies casually, flipping through a folder. “Shouldn’t take too long.”

Naruto sighs, running a bandaged hand through his short blonde hair. “Whatever this is, it better be important. Can’t believe you let someone in without an appointment.”

“Yeah. Well.” Shikamaru shrugs and turns back to the door to retrieve the guest. Naruto lowers back onto his chair, hands clasped together on his lap as he waits.

Through the windows behind him, the skylight darkens. His office dims.

The door slowly opens, a lean figure stepping through and closing the door softly behind him. “I apologize for the intrusion, Hokage-sama. Thank you for seeing me.” The man bows lowly.

Naruto stares. He’d know this man, this _wisp_ of a man, anywhere.

“Hamasaki-san…”

 


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what's the best part of writing in the point of view of only one character?  
> Unreliable narration.

_"When he holds you close, when he pulls you near_

_When he says the word you've been needing to hear_

_I'll wish I was him, 'cause those words are mine_

_To say to you till the end of time."_

_-Bon Jovi, "Always"_

 

 

 

There is silence.

Heavy, blistering silence.

Naruto stares ahead, darkened cobalt eyes piercing straight through the man in front of him, whose own brown eyes flicker around the room self-consciously.

Naruto almost smiles. Pitiful. He turns back to his computer and pulls up the spreadsheets he was reviewing. Soon, the room is filled with the sounds of keyboard clacking. “Well?” He drawls without a trace of interest.

Hamasaki clears his throat. “I’ll…take a seat then…?” He approaches the chair.

“Don’t bother. This won’t take long.” Naruto replies distractedly, eyes trained at the screen.

Hamasaki pauses and draws his arm back to his side. “Right.” His hands clench loosely before dropping and folding into the sleeves of his dark sweater. “I…” Hamasaki pauses, and Naruto can sense his stare.

The Hokage can feel the shift in the air, the thickening of the tension. There is building animosity behind Hamasaki’s stares. The man is bitter. Angry, even.

The typing stops.

Naruto stays calm and collected. “You were let in without an appointment. I assume this is an emergency.”

“It’s...it’s urgent, I suppose.” The man shifts on his feet, leaning his weight on one leg, before immediately straightening and planting both feet firmly. Naruto looks away from his computer and openly sizes him up.

A slab of mud, Naruto thinks. A slab of mud on cement, on a rainy day. That’s what Hamasaki is. Him and his dull, unintelligent brown eyes. His close-cropped brown hair, and the stupid little braid that hangs near his temple. His bland skin stretched over a lean, unimposing body. His plain sweater. His dark slacks. Black sandals.

He looks miserable.

And completely out of his comfort zone.

It’s to be expected. After all, Naruto reasons, what is a slab of mud compared to the sun and moon?

Hamasaki steps forward. “I had a concern, Hokage-sama.”

“Regarding?”

Hamasaki hesitates. His dark eyes narrow slightly at the ground, brow furrowing. “It’s…it’s not exactly…”

A loud sigh. Naruto leans back in his chair. _Just spit it out. Leave. Get out of my sight._

Hamasaki swallows. “My wife.”

Naruto stills momentarily, careful not to react. “Did something happen to Hinata?”

At her name, Hamasaki’s eyes finally meet Naruto’s but he doesn’t respond. His mouth is pressed tightly together, brow furrowing slightly. He is unsure. Hesitant. Afraid, even. But there is a glint in his eyes that Naruto can see push him forward, to say the words he clearly is having a hard time expressing. When he speaks, he is firm. “I am here to ask you to please keep away from my wife.” Naruto is silent, eyes trained forward, boring into the man in front of him. Hamasaki attempts to stand tall under the Hokage’s scrutiny. “I…do not mean to offend or accuse you of anything.” He adds as an afterthought.

Naruto stares, somewhat amused. He can see the humor in this, Hinata’s husband beseeching him to stay away from her, just minutes after Sakura had warned him of this exact dilemma.

But a much larger part of him doesn’t find this funny at all. An unmistakable flicker of fury flares in his gut, heated at the prospect in front of him.

_Who the hell does he think he is…_

Naruto doesn’t give a shit if the guy is Hinata’s husband. He couldn’t care less.

Slowly, he braces his hands on his desk and leans forward. “Your insecurities are hardly worth my attention.” He turns back to his computer. “You’re dismissed.”

Hamasaki’s eyes widen, arms dropping to his side lifelessly. Naruto can see the shock in his expression, the distress in his grimace. The fear in his eyes. Then his brow furrows.

“I am not leaving.” He says lowly but defiantly.

Naruto’s scowl becomes lethal. “I wasn’t asking.”

Hamasaki swallows thickly. He is trembling under the glare of the strongest shinobi in the world. “I can’t leave.” He says softly. “Hinata…” Hamasaki’s eyes close briefly. “Hinata is my wife. I need to protect her. And…if that means I must face you, then…then I’ll do it.”

Naruto’s eyes remain fixed, cold, and distant. “Protect her from what?” He asks lowly. “Me?” Naruto’s mocking undertone leaves its mark. Hamasaki’s eyes narrow and then drop to the floor heatedly. Naruto isn’t bothered by Hamasaki’s obvious distaste of him. It’s not like he didn’t see it coming. Any man would be hateful, if his wife was in love with another.

“Many of the villagers,” Hamasaki begins, eyes downcast. “Have been coming to me. Warning me. That the Hokage is pursuing my wife.” He waits for a response that Naruto will not give. “It needs to stop.”

Naruto leans back in his chair, keeping his cool, refusing to believe he has done anything to warrant these accusations. “People gossip. I can’t do anything about that.”

This doesn’t deter Hamasaki. “So it’s true then.”

Naruto rolls his eyes, wondering why he hasn’t thrown the man out yet, but reminds himself Hamasaki is only a civilian. In any case…he must defend her honor.

“Hinata is a comrade of mine and a close childhood friend. I keep in touch with all of them. That includes her.”

Hamasaki withdraws slightly at the response. “I…I understand that, Hokage-sama. The Rookie 9 are legendary even amongst villagers. She has many friends. I know that.”

“Do you? Because whether you like it or not, Hinata is not a simple civilian. She is shinobi just as I am. She is one of us. There are…” He pauses, his mind taking him back to a fateful day. “Ties that bind us. We’ll always be connected. Marrying _you_ doesn’t change that.”

“I never said that it did.” Hamasaki argues feebly.

Naruto scoffs. “Your jealousy says otherwise.” He can’t help the challenge in his voice. “You can’t decide who her friends are or who she spends her time with. Hinata is not your puppet. You don’t own her.” He waits for the uproar, the denial. The possessiveness to show itself so he can pounce on it.

Instead, Hamasaki says nothing. His eyes are soft and fixed to the window behind him. There is contemplation in his brow. Finally, he answers, “Hinata has ties to her past. I understand that. Her friends, her family, her _stories…_ I can never hope to compare. I know that.” Hamasaki’s eyes lower.

Naruto’s fire lowers to a simmer, his pity smothering the rage he felt towards this man. It has always been difficult for him to witness another’s anguish. Even now, even after Hamasaki’s infuriating demand, Naruto can’t help but sympathize with him. He knows how it feels, the helplessness, the suffering.

And maybe…if it had been anybody else…he might have yielded.

In any case, Naruto thinks to himself, this was bound to happen. There is a reason that shinobi and civilian life is kept separate. They are two hemispheres that couldn’t even begin to understand each other. A man like him was never meant to have a woman like her.

The squeak of a chair rattles Naruto from his thoughts and he realizes that Hamasaki has taken a seat in front of him. His brown eyes are fixed on his. “I am a lesser man than you. Any fool could tell you that. And I know that if you wanted it, you could take Hinata from me and there would be nothing anybody could do about it.” Hamasaki’s eyes lower at the confession, just as Naruto’s narrow. “I know that my word is worthless against yours. I understand that I have no right to come to you. I can’t make you stay away from her. It is useless just to ask you to.” Hamasaki pauses, his mouth pressing tightly together. “But I am going to do so anyways. Because I love her.”

Naruto doesn’t flinch. “That has nothing to do with this.”

Hamasaki presses on, ignoring the deepening of Naruto’s scowl. “I love Hinata and I make her happy. Even as I am, a man with nothing to his name but a promise to always treasure her for who she is, she accepted me. She married me. Even when everyone disapproved. When her family would threaten me to stay away from her. When her friends would take one look at me and scoff. Just as you do even now, even after all the years we’ve been together. But I fought for her. I’ve never fought for anything the way I had to fight for Hinata.”

He almost snorts. “That’s because you don’t belong with her.” Naruto says it easily. “Even if she agreed to marry you, you were never her first choice. You know that…don’t you?”

Hamasaki’s eyes darkened as he stared. “I know. I know who you are, Hokage-sama. And I know what you mean to Hinata. What she means to you. But Hinata has moved on.” Hamasaki says firmly. “She chose me. She… loves me.”

There is a heavy silence after that. Naruto settles back into his chair, arms crossing over his chest. “If you really believed that, you wouldn’t be here.” He watches as Hamasaki turns crestfallen. And there it is, Naruto realizes. The root of all his problems. It isn’t Hamasaki’s possessiveness that made him come here. It was his doubt. Naruto closes his eyes, sighing through his nose. He was making it too easy.

Hamasaki fidgets slightly before recomposing himself. “It’s not like that. I trust my wife.”

“Doesn’t seem that way.” He responds without a trace of interest.

Hamasaki’s fist clenches. “I know Hinata. I know her better than anyone.” There is a challenge in his voice and Naruto’s eyes crack open at the declaration. “I _know_ how she feels about me. And how she feels about you. That’s why I’m asking you to leave her alone. Not for my sake, but for hers. She doesn’t want you in her life anymore, but you keep persisting. She’s too polite to ask you to stop.”

Naruto shakes his head slowly, not believing it for a second. He doesn’t hesitate to tell it straight. “You don’t know anything about Hinata.” His eyes harden. “Hinata has a whole life apart from you. You think you know her better than her team-mates? Her dad, her sister…you don’t know anything about where she came from. Even me, I know her better than you ever will. Hinata and I have been through _hell_ together, things you wouldn’t know anything about. Because I was there and you weren’t. And you think just because you convinced her to give you a chance that it means anything. It _doesn’t._ She’s not just some average woman. She’s not just Himawari’s mother either. She’s not your damn trophy wife, that’s for sure. And if she wants to talk to me, then she can. There’s nothing you can do about that.” He finishes with a heavy breath, ticked off that he lost his composure. He knows he shouldn’t be speaking to one of his citizens like this, but it’s not like he asked for it. Hamasaki was the one who came here picking a fight. “I’m done here.” He turns back to his computer and types nonsense, fingers flying angrily over the keyboard. The man doesn’t move from his seat in the chair and Naruto’s hands curl into fists. He turns to him and fixes an aggravated glare on the man.

Hamasaki’s eyes are lowered on the desk. Slowly, he lifts them back up to meet the Hokage’s. “I loved Hinata before I even knew what love was.” He says with absolute conviction. “I told you I wouldn’t leave until I made you see reason and if I have to show you how deeply I feel about this, then I will.”

“I’m not interested in your fairy tales.”

“Hokage-sama,” Hamasaki pleads. “If you care about Hinata as much as you say you do…then listen.”

Naruto’s stare becomes heavy; a large part of him wonders how it ever came to this. Why is he being so hateful to a man that only wants a minute of his time? How could he ever dismiss another person the way others had dismissed him before? But the much more alarming question is why he can’t bear to listen to anything this man had to say. And yet he also knows why. Can feel the answer in every fiber of his being.

Ultimately, it is the subject in question that forces Naruto to slowly nod his head once. She wouldn’t like this. If she saw how he was treating this man, her _husband,_ the father of her child…she’d never look at him the same way.

“You have five minutes.”

* * *

He sits at his desk and stares out the window.

The sky is a hazy lavender, the sun setting behind a few clouds. The village is blanketed with the stillness of dusk.

It is a beautiful sight. To see the village he loves so much, the village he has dedicated his entire life to, to see it so peaceful and calm is a blessing. He knows that. To be sitting in the Hokage’s office, his hat on his desk, the collar of his cloak pressed on his clavicle…it’s something he’s always dreamed of.

He became acknowledged.

He saved the world.

He brought Sasuke back home.

He is the Hokage.

This was everything he ever wanted.

_And yet…_

His eyes shift down, watching from the corner of the window as Hamasaki trails out of the building and slowly makes his way across the village back to his home, his family.

Somehow, the miserable-looking shopkeeper with nothing to his name has everything he has ever wanted. And everything he can never have.

_“I was seven when I first met her. She was four. Every week, she would visit my family’s apothecary with her mother to buy seeds and the ingredients for a salve. She was quiet and always hid behind her mother’s skirt. But sometimes she would look up at me and ask if she could help measure the ingredients. One day, her mother… stopped coming but she never stopped visiting us. She was nice and polite. I thought…I thought she was cute. But also sad.”_

He packs up his things, loading them into his briefcase. His eyes are hard. They sting.

_“Sometimes, she’d come in so bruised up that we couldn’t help but ask if she was okay. She always said she was fine; just some intense training, that was all. And she’d try to smile but it never reached her eyes. I learned she was the heiress to the Hyūga clan and my first thought was that she could never be anything like them. But she kept trying. Even if it never got better for her. That’s when I would start thinking about her. Hoping she was okay. I wanted to tell her that she was strong, no matter what anyone said. But I figured that didn’t mean much coming from someone like me. I’ll always regret that.”_

He sits and waits for the sun to go down. His work is left untouched on his desk.

_“We didn’t talk much. I guess we were both too shy. But I remember the day she came running into the shop, all out of breath, and so excited she could hardly stop moving. She showed my mother and me her forehead protector. She had just become a genin and she needed to stock up on everything so she could make ointment for her teammates. That was the first time she looked me straight in the eye and… she smiled. A real smile. She was so happy.”_

As he slowly leaves the office, he passes by Shikamaru, who is at his own desk sorting paperwork. Their eyes meet. Shikamaru clears his throat before asking, “Was it all taken care of?”

There is a pause. And then, “Yeah.”

_“She didn’t come very often after that. I guess she was out on missions with her teammates. And I…I would miss her. I heard how dangerous it was to be a genin. I was afraid for her.”_

He walks home slowly. Leaves crunch under his boots. His cape blows behind him in a breeze.

_“I was in the crowd the day of the Chūnin exams. I saw her sitting with her teammate in the audience. I felt bad that she didn’t make it to the final round, but I was also relieved. I learned a lot that day. I learned about her cousin. Her father. Her uncle. I found out why she was always so sad. And I also found out about you.”_

When he comes home, he sees the lights are off. His wife and son are already in bed. They won’t miss him if he needs to make a detour.

_“She was happier after that. Her cousin started accompanying her to our shop. I tried to introduce myself and he stared at me until I excused myself to run to the back. It took him a long time before he ever bothered to look my way. I think he might have known how I felt about her. I don’t think he liked it.”_

His leg dangles off the edge of the Hokage monument. The moon is larger than he has ever seen it.

_“I kept hearing your name. Everywhere I turned, someone was always talking about you. It didn’t bother me. Not until her teammates came in with her, encouraging her to say good-bye to you before you left. I saw her face. The way her eyes lit up. How she turned so pink. She looked so pretty. She never looked at me like that.”_

When he’s here, he feels like he is at the top of the world.

He wants to stay up here.

And never go back down.

_“After you left, she trained harder than I ever saw her. I was glad, because it meant she needed to make her salves more often. I tried talking to her more. If she wasn’t in a hurry, she’d ask me how my day was. It was always so boring compared to hers. She started growing out her hair too. She was fourteen and becoming a woman. Every time I saw her, I thought there wasn’t another girl in the world who could match up to her. She was such a good person. Noble and kind and compassionate. And she was beautiful. I hoped you would never come back. But you did.”_

“Mom,” He whispers to himself. “I made a mistake.”

_“I hardly ever saw her after that. She would come and go. I didn’t know much about what was going on, but even I could tell that something serious was happening. The village didn’t seem as peaceful as it did before. And then the earth shook and the shop collapsed on us. There was so much screaming. I got hurt. But my mother was trapped under the roof. And then she came. She was only fifteen and so small and petite, but she saved us. She pushed the pillars off us, took my hand and pulled me up. I didn’t know how strong she was until that day, when she carried me and my mother to safety all the way to the medics. She held my hand. Told me that everything would be alright. And then she disappeared. She was saving people. And I had a bad feeling in my gut. That something terrible would happen to her.”_

“I should have never listened to you.”

_“The shinobi around us were yelling. That the Akatsuki were going after the jinchuriki of the Kyuubi. They were winning. They had him pinned. One of them said your name. And my heart stopped.”_

“You were wrong.”

_“The village was decimated; we were all blown away by something so powerful… they said it was you. They said the Kyuubi got free. Because a girl tried to save him. He saw her die. He lost control. All they talked about was you. Nobody even said her name. My world fell apart. And I knew I loved her. And I knew she loved you.”_

“I can’t fix this.”

_“But she’s strong. She lived. When I saw her at the medic tent, I…well, anyways…she lived and I was…I don’t think words can describe what I felt. I wanted to talk to her, thank her for saving us, but she was busy. I…I thought she’d be with you. I was so sure after everything that you two would…anyways, I didn’t see her much. Only in passing. But she’d always smile at me and ask me how my mother was. I realized too late that she had left to fight in the war. I was devastated. And I promised myself if she managed to come back to me, that I would tell her how I felt.”_

“It’s too late.”

_“As you know, she did come back and I was ready to live up to my promise, but…her cousin…I knew it wasn’t the right time. I waited. I watched her. I watched you. I knew that you had gotten…closer, I suppose. Sometimes, I would see you alone together and I thought—well, you weren’t. But then you left for your first tour and I saw my chance. So the next time I saw her, I asked her if she would get dinner with me. She was, uh, too busy, I suppose. But I kept asking. Maybe I was being a bit annoying. The weeks passed by and I persisted. She kept turning me down, and I was discouraged. She’s…incredibly loyal, as you know. She was waiting for you. But I couldn’t give up. The day you were coming back, I hadn’t gotten any closer to getting her to agree. I was so sure it was over. But…well…you always surprise, Hokage-sama.”_

There is no response. And he realizes that, unlike before, this time no one is going to help him with this. No one he can turn to. No one who would understand. No one except…

He drops his head into his palms. He hurt her. He hurt her so much without a second thought.

_“After that day…I didn’t see her for a long time. Her friends came to my shop often, asking if she stopped by. They were alarmed when I told them she didn’t. I suppose they were looking for her. Eventually, I decided enough was enough. I went to the Hyūga compound and asked to see her. She came, and I could see in her face that she was going to turn me away. I don’t know what made me do it, but I, well, I told her that I was in love with her and to give me a chance. I don’t know what I was expecting, but she looked at me like I grew two heads and asked me to leave. But I kept coming back. The guards always tried to scare me away. I didn’t care. I would bring flowers and chocolates and letters that she wouldn’t accept but I didn’t let it stop me. The very last time I went to her, her father took me by the collar and dragged me away. But I saw her watching from the window and when our eyes met…she smiled at me. She was laughing. She looked happier than I had seen her in a long, long time. The next day, she came to the shop. She agreed to see me and we met a nearby park the next day.”_

He thinks of the day he first saw them, at the park, nervous and worried…but hopeful.

He could have stopped it. Almost had, he remembers. But he didn’t. Because he never doubted that Hinata could take care of herself. And he never doubted in his firm belief that she would never leave his side.

And maybe it’s his own self-absorbed arrogance…but he never thought about what could have been happening. He never pondered at the fact that he hardly ever saw her, never thought she might have been suffering all alone, never gave a second thought to anything happening outside of his personal life that was slowly but surely spiraling out of control.

He never thought he would have to worry for her. Never would even harbor the idea that she needed him. And it’s selfish but he can’t help it. He wants her here now, comforting him, telling him everything he needs to hear, and then everything would make sense again. But she’ll never do that for him again, will she?

This time, she won’t save him.

_“She didn’t have to agree, but she did. I wasn’t the only one pursuing her, but she chose me. Out of all the others—civilians, and shinobi, and even that heir from another clan—she gave me a chance. Even when her friends would see me coming and roll their eyes, she never turned her back on me.  For a whole year…I made her happy again. She let me hold her hand. Kiss her. Love her. She forgot you. She wanted to be with me. Even when I knew her family would never let somebody like her marry somebody like me…she fought to be with me too. Her father told her she would never lead the clan if she disobeyed him. She told him she didn’t care. She left them and lived with me in my old awful apartment. She married me. She gave me a daughter. She’s mine now.”_

She is not his anymore. Not his to depend on, or turn to, or call for anymore.

Not his to wonder about. Not his to think of. Not his to worry for. Not his to hope for. Not his to fight for. Not his to rage for. Not his to cry for. Not his to smile for.

Not his to hurt. Not his to abandon.

Not his to regret over.

_“Of course I wondered about you. But…whatever you two had…it’s over. You married. And…if you don’t mind my saying so…the First Lady is a beautiful woman. Your son is a prodigy. And she is happy for you. Maybe you should be happy for her too.”_

How the hell can anyone expect him to be happy over something like this? How _can_ he? He couldn’t even if he tried.

He doesn’t want to be happy for her. And even if it kills him, his agony is the one thing that makes it real. What they _had_ was real. What they shared…people spent lifetimes searching for. He couldn’t just let it go.

And…

And even if it went nowhere…

He had to try.

_“Hokage-sama…”_

His eyes are hard and unforgiving as he stares down into the village.

_“If you don’t keep away from her…”_

He knows that Hamasaki loves her, wants her, needs her….

_“I will take her…”_

But he needs her too.

_“And we will leave.”_

Blood boils in his veins, fury curling his lip and furrowing his brow. He is livid.

Konoha is her home. _He_ is her home.

And though he is ashamed, though his guilt feels so heavy it consumes him every second of the day, though he hates himself for his weakness…

He will not give up. He never goes back on his word.

And he had promised Hinata he would always fight for her. He vowed to win.

The Hokage slinks off the monument, into the night, with his mind made up.

_“I will take my leave now. Thank you for listening.”_

* * *

_It’s cold outside._

_Staring ahead at the Hokage monument in the distance, he drops back into his form. Concentrates on his stance. The flow of chakra circulating through him. Strike once. Twice. Hold your ground._

_He breathes in. Breathes out. Strike once. Twice. Don’t break form._

_And then the sliding door behind him is thrown open, and he drops his stance, smiling. “Daddy! Come play with us!”_

_He turns around, his grin huge, as little Boruto jumps on him, and Naruto pretends to stagger under his weight, startled at the feeling of Himawari’s little body also jumping on to his. He drops to the ground dramatically, clutching at his kids like he never wants to let them go._

_“Don’t go outside in your bare feet…” And then there is soft padding heading his way. Shoulder-cropped dark silky hair bobs as she cranes her head outside, bangs parting in that familiar way on the side of her forehead. And though her lips are set in a disapproving half-smile, her eyes are bright and playful._

_“Alright.” He glances at her mischievously. “Boruto, Himawari,” His stare drops down to them and their blue gleaming eyes. “How ‘bout a snowball fight?”_

_His wife’s eyes widen and she is about to voice her concern of them catching a cold amongst the excited shouts of ‘SNOW BALL FIGHT!’ when Boruto shouts, “TAKE THAT!” and a slab of snow is lobbed at her. Her yelp is unavoidable and Naruto and Himawari can’t help their shocked, amused giggles as they watch the scene._

_Hinata wipes the snow from her face, stern with shock, but it melts away with a laugh, “Alright, Boruto. You asked for it.” And she crouches down to scoop up her own snow, and the kids go mad with excitement. He watches them and laughs and feels so warm that he forgets snow is seeping into his pants._

_“Watch out!” He warns. “You know when your mom gets serious, she’s super—”_

His eyes snap open.

And then lower.

His room is cold. Must have been why he dreamed of snow. 

Slowly, he sits up, the sheets falling off his bare chest and he dips his head into his hands, breathing in deeply to clear his head. To his right, the blankets shuffle and then still. He glances at his wife’s peaceful sleeping face.

His chest feels heavy again. He turns and lifts himself off the bed, heading to the kitchen for a cup of cold milk. The house is silent.

He’s been having these dreams lately. Scenes that felt so real, he could have sworn they were memories. But they’re not. They are illusions, figments of his imagination, fantasies.

And deceptions.

He stands at the window and stares out into the empty village, the night dark and daunting. Without a second thought, he turns and slips into his boots, pulling a t-shirt on and shrugging a jacket over it. He leaves quietly, locking the door behind him before heading off.

For a few minutes, he wanders. Trails the empty streets he used to run through with angry patrols hot at his heels. He remembers laughing and shouting and being an annoying brat that was so lonely he used to talk to his plants.

He pauses at the shift in the air, alert and tense. A kick in his senses, an instinctive pull, like his name was called.

Because it was.

Just like before, when they were so closely connected he could sense her without even trying to, could hear her thoughts, feel her pain.

And just like before, he leaps into the abyss to save her.

* * *

He knows she is there before he even sees her.

Could feel her emotions so strongly that they become his as well. And, like always, his body reacted without a second thought. He went to her.

She sits cross-legged in front of the grave’s plaque, so distraught she isn’t even in her proper _seiza_ position. Her shoulders are shaking, her back hunched as she huddles into herself. She suffers silently, as she always has.

He stands a few feet behind her, his heart hammering at the sight. She isn’t even aware of him and that alarms him too.

The sky is dark, and the air is cold, and Hinata cries like no one can see her. Perhaps, in the past, a girl’s tears would have scared him enough to keep his distance. But he is wiser now, and the sight of Hinata’s fragility doesn’t haunt him as strongly as it used to. His sandaled feet carry him closer to her, enough so that he is standing right behind her. When he speaks, it’s almost a whisper. “Are you okay?” Her body stiffens in response and he can feel the conflicting emotions in her. She does not turn to him.  

Slowly, her head tilts to stare up at him from the corner of her eyes. They are hard. “What are you doing here?”

Her icy tone sends chills up his spine. He wets his lips uncomfortably. “You’re crying.” He doesn’t know what to say but state the obvious. Quickly, she wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, like a child, all the while drawing up her knees to her chest. He waits as she pulls herself together, swallowing uncomfortably. Her hand runs through the short tousled mane of her hair, messy from restless sleep, before dragging to rub at her tired eyes. As he watches, he comments to himself how unusual it is to see Hinata so unkempt; she is always clean and neat and put-together. But not tonight.

 Gingerly, he steps forward and lowers to the ground besides her, staring hard at her. Her distressed eyes are focused ahead, her pale lips tightened. Her rumpled hair sways in a light breeze and, like him, she is also in warm pajamas with a jacket thrown on top. He pictures her, awake in her dark small apartment, pulling on her shoes and coat and heading out into the night.

“Hinata…” He says heavily. “It’s the middle of the night. What are you doing here?” And though Hinata has always been the weird type, crying in a cemetery in the dead of night is a new low for her.

For a long few seconds, she doesn’t respond. Doesn’t look at him. And then her head lowers. “I didn’t know where else to go.” For a split second, he wants to challenge that—but then he thinks of himself at the top of the Hokage monument, never wanting to return. His eyes soften.

They are silent again. It’s not strained or heavy. Just patient.

He wonders if she also has trouble sleeping. If she sees him in her dreams as often as he sees her. If her mind also tricks her with memories of another life.

_“I am happy. Don’t worry about me.”_

_“We’re all married and happy so stop ruining it!”_

_“I made her happy again.”_

_“Maybe you should be happy for her too.”_

He sees her glassy mirthless eyes, her colorless complexion, her heavy heart. She looks so tired. So defeated. So unsure.

But he is here. He is here now. He’s not going anywhere.

He clears his throat. “Alright?” He asks gruffly. She also clears her throat lightly, shutting her eyes tightly to regain some clarity, and then she nods. “Must be bad, huh?”

“What?” She glances at him from the corner of her eyes.

“You don’t cry. Unless it’s bad. Like real bad.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, recalling the very few times he’s ever seen Hinata’s tears. Both times had been…life-changing, to say the least. Hinata doesn’t respond to his claim, looking down at the ground with the faintest pull around her lips—the closest thing to a scoff he’s ever seen her make. The sight makes him swallow uncomfortably. “But…even if it’s bad…you’ll be okay. Everything will turn out alright. Right?” He presses.

There is an odd tension after he says that and Hinata turns to him with a strange look in her eyes. He doesn’t have much time to ponder about it, because she turns away from him again. “I don’t know.”

He nods slowly. “So…” He begins quietly, his voice rough and scratchy. A part of him is hesitant to bring him up, but he decides this is something she should know. “He came to see me, you know.”

She doesn’t even ask who he’s talking about; it’s a given. “I know.” She responds quietly.

With a strange gruffness in his voice, a knot of tense emotions and insecurity lodging itself in his throat, he asks, “Did you ask him to?”

She doesn’t hesitate. “No.” And then, “He shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. Whatever he said…I’m sorry.” For a split second, the corners of his lips turned up in victory. But then she turns to him. “You shouldn’t be here.” His mouth flattens. They both stare ahead, re-reading the name of the plaque in front of them. And Naruto hopes with all his being that Neji isn’t watching them right now.

He breathes in heavily through his nose and can’t help his scoff. “Why? Because he said so?”

Her eyes lower.

Naruto stares at her, waiting for an answer he doesn’t expect. Watching her now, silent and tight-lipped at the mention of her husband’s demands, he is reminded of Tsunade’s words.

_“But spending the rest of your life with a person that matches you in everything? It doesn’t work out.”_

He thinks of himself and his wife and slammed doors, heated stares, and resentful insults that were responded to with equal fervor.

He thinks of Hinata and her husband and quiet frowns, silent treatments, distant eyes that were met with reticence and insecurity.

He thinks of the day he sensed her inner turmoil and rushed to her aide; her refusal to talk about what was hanging so heavily in her heart; the admission that she just wanted to be alone. He thinks he understands.

“Just so you know…” He begins, his voice low in his throat. “I don’t take orders from him.”

“I know.” She responds instantly. “It…it was our business. It had nothing to do with you. I-I’m truly sorry he bothered you. If I had known, I would have…” She trails off, clutching at her sweater.  

Naruto sighs softly through his nose and leans back on his haunches, staring up into the dark sky. Besides him, Hinata looks at him curiously. “Nothing to do with me, huh…” He murmurs. At his words, Hinata looks away from him, making a point not to even glance in his direction. “Do you really believe that?”

She swallows. “…Regardless…he shouldn’t have involved you.”

He ignores her attempts at dropping the subject. “Do you know what he asked me to do?”

“He’s…told me before.” Her eyes hang even lower. “For a while now…he’s been talking about moving to a smaller village. I didn’t really know why until last night.” She pauses and her eyes scrunch close. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.” She’s on her feet before he can even get a word in and in a panic, he grabs her wrist and they both freeze. He hasn’t touched her in years, hasn’t felt her hand since that day so long ago.

“Wait. Please just wait. Please.” His grip on her wrist is strong and he stands to his full height, towering over her small frame. Wordlessly, she backs away from him, too stunned to even snatch her hand back from him. “Don’t be afraid. Whatever he said to you…don’t be afraid. I won’t let him take you.”

She shakes her head repeatedly. “Y-You can’t.”

“Don’t say that.” He needs her to believe him. He needs her to trust him. He needs her to depend on him. “I can and I _will._ Whether he likes it or not, I’m the Hokage and what I say goes, and if I say that you’re staying in the village, then you’re staying in the village.” The filter he has forcibly constructed over the years is all but forgotten and he says everything that comes to him.

She shakes her head weakly. “The Hokage is the leader of the shinobi. And I’m not shinobi anymore. We are only citizens, a civilian family.”

He wets his lips nervously, his heart picking up speed. “Himawari. Himawari is shinobi. Even if she’s only in the academy—”

“He pulled her from the Academy last week. He never wanted her to be shinobi.” She responds in a clipped tone that flares his nerves. He’s never, not once in his life, seen Hinata’s temper show itself. But when it came to her daughter…

He thinks of Hamasaki and his insecurities with his Hinata’s double-life. Even Naruto could see how much it bothered him, his bitterness at having no place in that world she shared with everyone but him. He can only imagine how Hamasaki has vented that frustration.

“Then…” He swallows. “Then this has been going on for a while now. Hasn’t it?” She doesn’t respond. “It has. He’s trying to control you and you know it.”

“Th-that’s not how it is.” She murmurs feebly.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I was _right there.”_ He backtracks as soon as he says it, realizing the multiples ways Hinata can react to such a bold claim. “Or to Kiba or Shino or Kurenai-sensei or Sakura or your family—they all think you’re fine and happy but you’re not. You didn’t say anything. You _never_ say anything.” And even he feels frustrated at her for her lifelong habit of keeping her feelings bottled inside, never said aloud, never acted on, just to build up and layer upon layers of insecurities. “Why?” He pleads lowly. And just like before, the knowledge that she didn’t trust in him enough to depend on him tears at him.

Her eyes lower to the ground, refusing to meet his. “Because it’s not your business.” She responds shortly, her voice not giving away anything.

His grip on her wrist tightens. “ _You’re_ my business. You’ll _always_ be my business.”

She gives a sharp sigh and frowns. “Please don’t say things like that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

She hangs her head with a sigh. “Naruto-kun....” She whispers, not daring to look up at him. “You shouldn’t even be here.”

“Why?” He asks, knowing the answer perfectly.

Her breath stutters in her throat, a desperate plead in her eyes at his question. “Because you can’t. You can’t. I can’t do this with you. I can’t do this to him. He-he doesn’t understand. He won’t like this.” Her words rush out in a panic, her hand pulling away from his to knead at her clothes, but he doesn’t let go.

“ _Hinata_ ,” He interrupts firmly. “What do _you_ want?”

She shakes her head fiercely. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Then tell me you want me to leave.” He challenges and Hinata stills. “Tell me and I’ll never bother you ever again. Tell me and _mean it._ ” Her pale watery eyes shut, her brow strained. “You can’t, can you?” He says quietly.

Hinata shakes her head. “What I want doesn’t matter, though.” She murmurs softly, in true Hinata fashion. “What he’s asking of me isn’t wrong. I need to honor him.”

“ _Honor_ him?” Naruto’s blood boils at the very idea. “Hinata, you weren’t there. He was threatening me and spouting all this bullshit—Hinata, you’re like a _trophy_ to him. He thinks he _won_ or something just ‘cuz you married him!”

“I did marry him.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn’t have.”

There is a tense silence after that. Hinata’s lips purse tightly, her brow furrowing. Her eyes harden. Her tone deepens. “You…you of all people…you don’t get to say that to me.” And for the first time in a long time for the world’s most powerful shinobi…he is afraid. He has never seen Hinata angry, much less made her angry, and it frightens him even more that he can’t predict what she’ll do next.

And now he’s angry at himself for saying something so awful to her—even if it’s true. Her own words also cut at him, the knowledge that, in her heart, Hinata had stripped him of any rights he had to her.

He wishes she’d yell. Hit him. Make him feel like the piece of shit he knows he is. He’s used to that.

Anything but look at him the way she’s looking at him now with those sharp, unforgiving eyes that she only used on the battlefield. Like he was an enemy.

And then she softens. Lets out the breath he didn’t know she was holding. Her eyes lower to the grass, contemplative and thoughtful. His mouth parts, ready to apologize, when she sighs through her nose. “Why are you doing this to me?”

At her pained tone, he bites on the corner of his lip, nervous to say the wrong thing again. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

It doesn’t deter her. “Why? Why are you here, Naruto-kun?” She looks like how he feels inside—confused, and guilty, and hopeless, and desperate for an answer.

He clears his throat again, trying to suppress that knot of emotion. “Listen. I’m…I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry it took so long, but I’m here now. I’ll think of something. You can depend on me, Hinata.”

Her eyes shut again, this time in impatience. “Naruto-kun, _please._ You don’t need to do this. You don’t owe me anything.”

“That’s not it. That’s not why I’m doing this.” He says firmly, exasperatedly, studying her rigid face. At his outburst, she softens, a question on her parting lips before she immediately decides against it. But the issue still lingers in the air—the reason why he can’t stay away. He wonders if she knows. “Hinata, I…I care about you. Don’t you know that?” He stares hard at her, the wisps of dark hair, the tense clench of her jaw, the shimmering vastness of her eyes, until she has no choice but to offer a stiff nod. “Okay. Okay, so…” His grip around her wrist loosens, enough so that the rough pad of his thumb runs over the smooth curve of her palm. Her hand trembles at his soft touch, and his stare lifts from their hands to her tilted face, her unfocused eyes. “So that’s why I won’t let go.”

His hand closes over hers. He waits.

Hinata does not respond, does not look at him, does not acknowledge that he has said something so impactful. He grips her hand tighter. “Say something.”

A few seconds pass before she finally responds in a light whisper, “I don’t know what to say.”

He doesn’t buy it for a second. Hinata always knows what to say. “Just say it. Whatever’s…in your heart, y’know…”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because it’ll ruin everything.” Hinata whispers lowly. “Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve worked for…I can’t just throw it away.” She looks up at him. “Please understand. Please. I can’t do this.”

Seeing her now, pleading and panicked and pushing him away, he wonders how he ever found strength just by looking at her. Right now, all he feels is weakness. “I’m not asking you to. I’m not, I swear. That’s not what I want.”

Now she looks at him expectantly. And he knows that he has to answer her. Has to answer that question that has plagued him since forever.

Her eyes draw him in as she stares. “What do you want, Naruto-kun?”

He swallows. Looks down. Wets his lips. He answers lowly, deeply. “I just…I can’t lose you. I…I need you in my life, Hinata. Even if…even if all I can do is say hi or carry your groceries or walk you home or listen to you talk about your husband and your daughter for the rest of my life…that’s enough for me. I won’t complain. I won’t ask for anything more. I won’t, I swear. But…if you leave…if he takes you away from me…if I never see you again…I don’t know what I’ll do.” He is aware that they are in the ultimate no-win situation; if they continue to see each other, Hamasaki will take her away. If they agree to stay away…then he’ll lose her. It’s an ultimatum he refuses to give into and he hopes that Hinata feels the same way. He watches the way her eyes fill with tears, beading at her lower lash line.

Hinata lowers her eyes from his, staring at the ground. “I…” She begins and then squints her eyes. He holds his breath, waiting.  “I don’t believe you.” She says decisively.

A grunt of frustration leaves him and he drops her hand to pull at his hair. “What the hell do you want me to say, Hinata?! Do you _want_ me to get on my knees?! Do you _want_ me to tell you how long I’ve been holding this in?! How long I’ve been thinking about you?! Is that what you want?!”

Hinata steps back from him, an arm braced in front of her defensively. “Stop it.”

“ _No.”_ He steps forward, challenging eyes focused on her guarded ones, surging towards her as she backs off. “ _You_ stop it. Stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Stop pushing me away. Stop looking at me like that. Stop walking away from me.”

Hinata pauses mid-step, frozen in place, as her eyes narrow. “I’m not the one who walked away.” His frustration is clipped at once, throat locking with a surge of emotion. Watching him carefully, Hinata softens. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but…you can’t just say something like that to me. Not after…everything.” She looks at him expectedly, as if waiting for his outburst. For once, he doesn’t know what to say. He is silent. “You are my friend.” She says softly. “You mean…a lot to me. You always have. You know that. That’s why…” Her eyes lower self-consciously. “It’s hard for me to let go. I should have stopped this a long time ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” She bites at her lower lip, eyes lowering. “But I was being selfish. And stupid. Naruto-kun, I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m a wife, a mother, and I have a family to take care of. But… when I’m with you…you make me feel like I’m young again, back when being in love with you was something that made me stronger.” She admits without a trace of reticence, no hesitation found in her voice or her eyes as she looks up at him. She looks so calm, and he can’t fathom how when his own heart is galloping inside his chest like it wants to bust out and jump into her hands.

But, he thinks, it doesn’t matter how old they are. It doesn’t matter if he has a wife, and she has a husband. It doesn’t matter if they have children. Clans don’t matter. Duties don’t matter. Nothing matters when it comes to her. It’d always be the same.

“But that’s not the case anymore.” She continues. “I have a family that depends on me. Himawari…I need to be strong for her. And my husband…I need to honor him. No matter what everyone says…I do love him.”

Loves him. She loves him.

Naruto’s stomach drops. His throat tightens. His mouth dries. He feels like he’s been blindsided by a blow he never saw coming; complete and utter betrayal. A betrayal that feels nothing like the pain he felt at Sasuke’s treason. This is a treachery that boils in his stomach and ices in his veins. Numb. Numb everywhere except where it counted.

His hand absentmindedly clutches at his chest, as if trying to soothe his erratic heart. He doesn’t even know what he feels, has never felt anything like it. Not grief, but close. Not hatred, but close. His knuckles flex reactively to the images he paints in his head, of the appalling instinct to make Hinata a widow.

That was his love. It was _his_.

He holds on to the terrible thoughts, relishes in them for only a few seconds before pushing them away. He can feel Hinata’s stare, and he can’t bring himself to look at her. Even if he had always known that Hinata was not his…her heart was. She had promised it to him so long ago. It was why, even when she married and everyone told him to let it go, he had never doubted her; her word meant everything to him. She was never supposed to stop loving him.

He doesn’t even know how much time has passed in silence before he is able to bring himself to speak. “You said you would never go back on your word.”

There is another few seconds of silence, as if Hinata is still trying to comprehend exactly what he just said to her. “What?”

“You said that. You did. And you said you would always love me.” He pauses, having never acknowledged out loud that Hinata had indeed loved him. He waits for her to remember, and he knows by the way her hands have stopped their clenching that she has. “Was that a lie, then? Was it all a lie?” He looks at her, eyes focused and angry and burning. Retrospectively, Hinata’s eyes hold nothing more than guilt and sadness.

“You asked me to say whatever is in my heart.” Hinata reminds him lowly. “And in my heart…I love my family. I would do anything to make them happy. I would do anything to protect them.” Her fingers clench tightly, and she breaks her stare for a few seconds to stare at the ground pensively before meeting his eyes once more. “But I’m still in love with you. Even after all these years…even after everything that’s happened… I never stopped thinking about you. I never moved on. I never stopped loving you.” Her eyes scrunch close, fighting against the surge of tears he can see just barely brimming through her lashes.

And Naruto…

He can’t breathe. He can’t. He can’t even feel his legs. Or his arms. His chest. Whatever was grounding him to the physical world…it was slipping out of his fingers. It was like an out-of-body experience watching the scene, not daring to believe that Hinata would confess her love for him yet again. That everyone had been wrong; that he had been right to hold on. Because Hinata is still there, still at his side, still holding a candle for him.

He wants to be happy. He does. But the smile doesn’t come to him. The electricity coursing through his veins, the weightlessness of his soul, the pounding of his heart…it feels incredible. But also dreadful. Dreadful because he knows it’s not over yet.

Hinata breathes in deeply through her nose, running a hand absentmindedly through her hair to soothe herself. And then she continues. “But it’s wrong. It’s wrong and it needs to stop. And—and for you…I know that you don’t see it that way. You don’t see it the way I do. You don’t…feel the way I do.” He wants to retort that, but Hinata unknowingly cuts him off. “I want to be your friend. I do. So much. I don’t want to lose you either. I want to sit with you and talk with you and walk with you and…I just want to be with you.” She smiles grimly. “I haven’t changed. Even after everything…I haven’t changed at all.” Her smile drops. Her eyes lower. And she looks so much like the little girl he first noticed in the arena, uncomfortable and afraid and so ashamed that his heart crumbles. She sighs, dark brows furrowing, pale eyes lowered to the ground. A few seconds pass in silence. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

He is instantly shaken from his trance. “What? No, you can’t leave.”

“Naruto-kun, I’ve already said too much. I shouldn’t have—I need to go.”

His gut wrenches in his stomach, heart pounding violently, a siren ringing through his ears.

_It’s now or never. There’s no time left. Do it now. NOW!_

“Stay with me.”

Hinata does a double-take, eyes widening and questioning, as if she misheard him. “What?” She mumbles under her breath.

He hesitates before reminding himself there’s no time to waste. “Hinata, I want us to be together.”

Hinata is deathly silent, wide eyes staring at him, unmoving. “You’re not serious.”

“I am.”

She looks around helplessly, as if looking for the right words to say. “If this is because of what I just said—”

“It’s not. Well, I mean, yeah, kinda, but that’s not why.”

“What are you—” Hinata’s breathing picks up, eyes wide and unblinking. “You’re not making sense. Why are you saying this?”

“Because I should have said it a long time ago.” He says firmly. “Hinata, I messed up. Okay? I messed up and I ruined my life and yours too and I’ll never be able to put into words how much I regret it and how sorry I am. And everyone keeps saying that it’s too late and that I should just forget about it and to just leave you alone but they’re wrong! They don’t know the first thing about it! But you do. You do, Hinata. You know. You’ve _always_ known, haven’t you?”

“Known…?” Hinata murmurs softly, still not understanding.

“That we’re supposed to be together.” Naruto says just as softly. “We are. Ever since we were kids…” He glances down once, nudges a clump of dirt with the side of his boot. “It was always the same. When I think back on it…” He smiles. “That’s what everything was, wasn’t it? Everything we did for each other, everything we said, everything we felt…that’s what it was, huh? It was this.” He feels like a twelve-year-old again, staring at Hinata, and wondering what she was thinking. Saying all the things he’s never been able to say before. He probably doesn’t make much sense, but he knows she understands him.

Licking his lips, he continues. “Hinata…this whole time…it was supposed to be us. You and me. It’s like…it’s like we belong together. Or something.” He blinks, wishing he was better at this. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see it. I’m _sorry_. But I can still fix things. It’s not too late.” Hinata still doesn’t say anything. But she is listening, and that is enough for him. For now, he considers himself lucky she hasn’t fled already.

He just has to say the right thing. He knows it. And then she’ll see. She has to see. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Hinata. Whatever you want…I’ll do it. Just…stay with me.”

Hinata presses her lips tightly together, taking deep breaths, trying to ground herself in all the uncertainty he’s thrown at her. “You…you want to… be with me?”

“Yes.” He answers quickly, not surprised she still hasn’t quite to terms with the whole situation.

Hinata’s eyes brighten, staring at him in wonder before they lower. “But…but what about…” She trails off uncertainly, no doubt afraid of the backlash of something like this.

Naruto processes her words silently, eyes simmering in their heat as he stares at her. “…nobody has to know.” She stills and he knows that wasn’t the right thing to say. Had Hinata been any other woman, he knows he’d have been pummeled into next week. But she’s always been different, hasn’t she? So she simply stands there and looks at him, silent and unmoving, unflinching even in the face of complete disrespect. His shame engulfs him, and he lowers his eyes, regretful that he let his impulsive desperation speak for him. “I didn’t mean that. Not the way you think.”

“I know.” Hinata says lowly and Naruto lets out a breath of relief, momentarily thankful she knew him so well. But he’s not done yet.

“I’ll separate from her.”

Hinata’s eyes snap to his, wide and in complete disbelief. “What?”

“I’ll do it. If that’s what it takes, then I’ll do it.” A small part of him distresses at the proclamation—leaving his wife will be a lot easier said than done—but the other side hardly cares.  

Hinata wets her lips, hands clutching nervously at her sleeves. “Boruto…he won’t be forgiving.” His eyes lower.

“He…he’ll understand one day. And…” He forces a smile. “And Himawari is strong. She’ll be okay.” At her daughter’s name, Hinata’s hands pause their ministrations. “If you’re worried about it getting messy, don’t even sweat it, Hinata. I’ll take care of everything.”

Her eyes drop shut. “But…it’s not that simple.”

Of course, he knows that. A scandal like this will rock the village for months. He’ll be at the center of public scrutiny, and _damn_ Shikamaru’s gonna kill him—but it’s worth it. If he can be with Hinata, without anybody trying to stand in his way…it’s worth it. He wishes he’d done this ages ago—shit, he wishes he’d scooped her up and ran off with her before Hamasaki ever thought he had a chance—

Damn. Hamasaki.

But…

If he truly loves Hinata like he says he does…

Then he’d want her to be happy, wouldn’t he? And she could only ever be happy with _him._  

He glances down at her, his brow furrowing at her pained expression. He wonders if she is also thinking about her husband. And Naruto feels bad too, he does, but…well. It can’t be helped.

Naruto approaches her steadily. “Hey.” He takes her hand again, holds her wrist in his palm. “It’ll be okay.” He needs her to believe him. He needs her to trust him. “Hinata…I know it’s not perfect. Everything sucks. I know that. But…if we do this…we can be together. I’ll take care of you. You won’t ever have to worry again. I promise.”

Her head shakes weakly. “How do you know?” She gazes up at him, her iridescent eyes large and deep, strands of her dark hair swaying into her face. She looks so perfect and beautiful that nothing matters anymore. And the words that always tugged at his tongue, that longed to be voiced, to be acknowledged, that he always gulped back in fear of what would happen if he let them go, of making it real…it doesn’t matter anymore.

“Because…because I love you.” And it feels so good to finally say it. “I think I always have.” So right. “And I know I always will.” So true.

Immediately, Hinata lifts her head. A blush warms her complexion. “Naruto-kun…” She says softly.

And their eyes meet in such a way, that he thinks time must have stopped. There is complete silence, complete stillness, and his feet drag him closer, his eyes never leaving hers. So many emotions pass through him that he can’t distinguish them, only feel them in their fullest intensity. His pounding heart is the only thing he is sure of; he can hear it beating desperately in his ears. Now he stands so close to her that their chests graze, and he can smell the sweetness of her shampoo, see the quivering white pupils of her eyes, feel the heat of her body. The tight hold of his hand around her wrist loosens just enough to slip to her fingers, just as the stare of his eyes slip down to her lips. And as he slowly descends, eyes lidding heavily, he feels her fingers grip on tightly to his, like he’s anchoring her to this world, and now their lips part and hover helplessly over each other’s so closely, that her breath becomes his. His lidded eyes glance once into hers, for her permission, but when he sees she has already closed her eyes, waiting, he doesn’t hesitate as his lids fall shut and his lips press gently into hers.

The crickets sing.

His fingers thread into her hair.

The sky lightens.

And Naruto and Hinata kiss like nobody can see them. 

They were wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was acceptable. See you next time!


	3. Part Thre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the final installment of In Another Life. Your feedback means everything to me. I completely understand that this story is not everyone's cup of tea. If it was difficult to get through the first two chapters, then this one will be a hard pill to swallow. Just a heads-up in case you decide this story is not for you. 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy.

_“You say he loves you more than me_

_So I will set you free_

_Go with him.”_

_\--The Beatles, “Anna (Go to Him)”_

 

 

 

Every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, at a quarter to four in the morning, one Sota Surawa arrives at the large cemetery of Konohagakure to perform his daily duties as a maintenance worker. In his fifteen years of polishing plaques, raking dead leaves, and disposing withered bouquets, he has never been late, never missed a day, never failed in his duty to care for the home of Konoha’s fallen.

But it was a dull job.

And certainly not a memorable one.

And so it went without saying, that when Sota Surawa saw with his own eyes an image that would be forever branded into his mind as the most astonishing, groundbreaking thing he had ever witnessed—he had quite the story to tell.

* * *

He hums as he works.

A tuneless, nameless little hymn he can’t get out of his head. For once, his office doesn’t seem so small, so suffocating. He basks in the warm glow of the noon sun surging through the wide windows, the beauty of another day. With a pause, he glances at his locked left-hand drawer, thinks of the papers stashed inside. He’s not as good as Shikamaru in drafting up legal documents, but, at this point of his career, he’s pretty close. Soon, they’ll be ready. Soon, he can show her and then…

With a deep, rumbling sigh, he leans back in his chair and swivels around to face the windows, looking up at the sun.

Everything is still so uncertain.

But he is happy. Happier than he has been in a long, long time. Just as he is finishing a review on the village’s weapons inventory, his door is thrown open, slamming against the wall with a loud thud. He yelps, jumping back in his chair, and dropping the papers he was holding. “ _Granny?!”_ He barks at the sight of her familiar amber eyes and blond pigtails. He sighs, both in relief and agitation.

So much for a peaceful day.

Tsunade barges through the door, a hard scowl etched on her face, and she surges towards him. “Is it true?” Her voice is low and threatening, deep and with enough of a hiss to raise his guard.

He stills before immediately relaxing and straightening his papers. “Is what true?”

“Don’t play dumb. Where were you three nights ago at four in the morning?” Tsunade demands with piercing eyes, and Naruto only stares in completely bewilderment. His mouth dries, like he’s swallowed sand, and he struggles to breathe through a tightened throat.

Shit.

“ _Answer me.”_ Tsunade’s fists are clenched firmly, drawn to her sides as she stares him down. There is no way he can answer her. Not unless he lies. The realization feels like he’s been submerged in an ice bath.

He is not a liar. He is _not_.

But he needs to protect her. He promised he would protect her.

Snapping out of it, he swallows back his panic and looks up at his mentor. “How the hell should I know? Home, I guess? Why are you asking me this?”

Tsunade stares at him and then snaps her head to the side, to the corner where his disguised ANBU are posted. “Leave us.”

Naruto and Tsunade are silent as they wait for the room to clear, and Tsunade begins to activate the seals that are used for S-rank mission debriefings. He stands from his seat and runs a hand through his hair exasperatedly, soundly ignored as Tsunade weaves through her seals with a tense jaw.

“Are the seals really necessary?”

Naruto’s head whips to the door, where Kakashi leans against the frame, eyes tired and unconvinced. Tsunade’s silence answers his question, and he steps into the room with a sigh. His dark shinobi gear contrasts starkly to Naruto’s bright orange jacket and Tsunade’s own brilliant green cloak. At the sight of his tired-looking teacher, of the man who never wanted to become Hokage, Naruto withdraws slightly but looks to him expectedly.

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto calls to him. “What the hell’s going on?”

The silver-haired man turns to face the Hokage with those mirthless eyes of his. His stare lasts for a second too long and Naruto’s panic skyrockets. “Nothing, I hope.” He finally answers. Without another word, he drops to one of the chairs in front of the desk and Naruto is even further alarmed when he doesn’t pull out his ‘ _Icha Icha’_ book. Tsunade finishes the final seal and goes to Kakashi’s side.

“Have a seat.” Her tone is sharp enough to have him immediately sitting down without question. He forces himself to remain calm under the scrutiny of his predecessors. “You said you don’t remember where you were three nights ago. Is that correct?” He blinks in response. “Well? Where were you then?”

“Um…”

Tsunade cuts him off. “Answers, Naruto. And fast.”

His brow furrows at the tone she takes with him. “Listen. The both of you.” He glances between them. “Unless you tell me what the hell is going on, I’m not saying anything. I’m not your student anymore and neither of you are the Hokage anymore. I am.” He pauses, to let that sink in. “Now. What’s going on?”

With a purse of her lips, Tsunade glances at Kakashi. “There’s a rumor going around.”

He allows himself to smile in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

At his scoff, she turns to him with narrowed eyes. “Rumors don’t come out of nowhere, Naruto.”

“I don’t have time for gossip.”

“Naruto, this is _serious._ It’s spreading like wildfire out there!”

“ _Graannyy._ ” Naruto drawls. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Just give it—”

 “Naruto.” Kakashi finally cuts in and the other Hokages in the room still. Hesitantly, Naruto looks over at the stern Rokudaime. His eyes are sharp. Focused. Unwavering and completely knowing. “Were you or were you not at the Konoha Cemetery with Hinata Hamasaki three nights ago at four in the morning?”

There is an odd silence after this.

And Naruto recalls how, just a few minutes earlier, he felt like he could walk on air.

Now, there is an anchor in his stomach, dropping further and further and dragging everything down with it. He looks away, stares at the space between them. Remembers exactly who he is dealing with and how he won’t be able to talk himself out of this one. And stalling will not make his situation any better. His gaze lowers to his desk. For a split second, he glances at that left-hand drawer. He thinks of his promise. The one he made to her. And the one he made to his village.

He swallows.

_I’m sorry._

“Yes.”

With that word, a deathly stillness envelopes them all. The calm before the storm, he realizes.

Kakashi’s eyes fall shut just as Tsunade’s narrow, and Naruto keeps his face at a neutral mask. He doesn’t want to feel guilty. He doesn’t want to feel ashamed. But he does. And maybe that is why Kakashi only sits and stares at him while Tsunade is too angered to keep still. She jumps out of her seat, curses with a hiss, and then lunges to a bookcase, groping through the shelves.

Naruto isn’t surprised when she pulls out a bottle of sake from behind a book, where she had cleverly hidden it and takes a long swig. Recapping the bottle, she breathes heavily, her back to him. It takes several long seconds before she finally turns to him. “You lied to me.”

“I…” He begins, at a loss for words.

“I asked you where you were and you said you didn’t remember.” Tsunade storms over to the desk and slams her bottle down, staring him straight in the eye until he looks away. “I don’t care how many times you’ve saved the village. I don’t care if you’re the Hokage now. I don’t _care_ if you’re a thousand times stronger than me.” And when her voice lowers, he returns her stare and his eyes widen at the sight of her glassy eyes. And he realizes that Tsunade disparages him now, not as a former Hokage, but as the maternal figure that had always looked out for his wellbeing. “Don’t _ever_ lie to my face again.”

He backs off, his eyes dropping, and Kakashi stands slowly. “Tsunade,” He says gently. “We need to get started on damage control.”

She tears her eyes away from the blonde and turns to the silver-haired man with a huff. “You’re not going to say anything to him? You _trained_ him. He is your successor.”

“He is not a child. Naruto knows what he did was wrong and he is going to fix this.”

Tsunade shakes her head. “And after I specifically _told_ you to stay away, to _let it go_ …you just ignored everything I said.”

“Granny—”

“And for _what?_ A stroll down memory lane?! Is that what you risked it all for?” Tsunade looks so angry and confused that he has no choice but to keep silent and wait for her to calm down. “I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you would do something so _stupid._ ” She reaches for the Hokage’s hat on his desk and snatches it up, holding it at their eye level. “This _means_ something, Naruto. It means you can’t be selfish anymore! It means you have a responsibility to the village _first_. You _know_ that. The village relies on you! You can’t just drop everything for your personal feelings! Why would you risk everything you have ever dreamed of just for…just for…” Her voice breaks off, pressing her lips together tightly, and turning away from him. There is silence for a long moment.

Naruto wets his lips, finding his voice. “How...?”

“Like we said. A rumor.” Kakashi drawls. “It’s been circling around the village for the last three days.” He sighs and sits again. “We need to come up with a plan.” His fingers drum on his lap,

“Agreed.” Tsunade sighs. Then, she lifts her fingers in a familiar seal and an ANBU materializes before her. “Bring me Hinata Hamasaki.”

“ _No_.” Naruto immediately snaps and the ANBU doesn’t move an inch.

Tsunade turns to him again, her anger returning. “ _Naruto.”_

“Leave her out of this.”

“She knew what she was doing.” Tsunade says firmly. “If she tells anybody—”

“She won’t say anything.” Naruto says lowly. And he knows it’s the truth. That what had happened in the cemetery was not something she would ever repeat to anybody else. Whether it was out of shame or respect…Naruto doesn’t want to think about it.

The Godaime studies him and dismisses the ANBU with a flick of her wrist. “Fine.”

Kakashi leans back in his chair. “Naruto. Send out a few clones on a patrol, just like you always do. We need to make sure we keep up appearances. And while you’re at it…keep an ear out for anymore gossip.”

Naruto nods and does what he’s told, watching his clones glance at him apprehensively before leaping out the window.

Tsunade draws up a chair and folds her hands under her chin. “Now. Tell us exactly what happened.”  

* * *

He was used to being stared at.

It wasn’t anything new. People always stared and people always whispered when he was around.

He walks through the village now, his cloak swaying behind him, his head held high, and his features set in a cool, confident mask. It’s been a long time since he felt the way he did when he was a six-year-old. Confused and angry and hurt and embarrassed. But he remembers now, seeing his citizens gasp and mumble to each other in hushed voices, how awful it was.

He goes about his business as he normally does, stopping by the merchants’ stalls to check up on the market and ignoring their gawks as he approaches them. Casually, he flips through their logs, not paying any attention to it as he sends a pulse of chakra to his vestibular nerves to pick up on the whispers that are flying at high-speed around him.

In a way, it almost amuses him.

The way a simple act can be twisted into something from another world.

Some of them aren’t too far off.

_“…The Nanadaime and the Hyūga heiress! Yes, the one who married out of the family!”_

_“Kissing?! That can’t be right…”_

_“…Alone together for who knows how long!”_

_“I’ve heard they’re going to elope!”_

_“No, they’re already secretly engaged. They’ve been seeing each other for years—they just got caught this time.”_

And others…

Well, even Naruto’s vivid imagination cowers from this.

_“…Desecrating a grave for crying out loud!”_

_“In a cemetery?! I think the Hokage can afford a motel room!”_

_“Ravaging each other in the middle of the night, in public!”_

But there were a few that made his blood run cold.

_“Well, the Hokage could get any woman he wanted. But I never thought a Hyūga would ever do something like this. She buys my radishes, you know? She had always seemed like such a respectable woman too…”_

_“Shameful. Each of ‘em married with children and they do something like this.”_

_“Come to think of it, I’ve seen them talking a few times. Just the two of them. Walking around like a couple.”_

_“…his poor wife…”_

_“…her husband’s gonna flip…”_

_“I thought Hokages were supposed to be honest and trust-worthy.”_

_“Shinobi. They’re masters of deception. What did you expect?”_

He hears this all and closes his eyes to calm himself.

Rumors. Just rumors.

It’s not like any of them know the truth.

They think they know everything but they don’t.

All they know is the kiss.

But no one mentions how Hinata had broken away from him with a sob right after.

How she pushed away from him, choking with tears, so guilty and hateful of herself that she wept into her hands.

How he had held her to his chest and begged her not to cry.

_Don’t cry. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry._

He thinks of her face, of her dewy eyelashes, the defeat in her eyes as she looked up at him. The leftover tingling sensations in his lips, his pounding heartbeat, the white haze of his mind that he was still emerging from. And how, when reality had finally caught up to him, two conflicting weights dropped in his chest—the unbelievable trance of romance, pure and _physical_ love—and the numbing dread at what he had just done. The further dread at his careless impulse to do it again.

But when she stepped away, he let her. When she told him that she needed to get back home before her daughter woke up, he understood. And when she whispered a good-bye to him, he told her firmly that he’d see her again soon. He promised.

He wonders if she knows. If she’s heard the rumors, or if the villagers are treating her different—

His fist curls.

Naruto paces through the streets, heading from one errand to another and repeating to himself endlessly that it would soon be over. That no one would actually believe this and it would fade into nothing just like all the other rumors did. Nothing would stick. It’ll go away, and then they can quietly continue. It might take a little more time to prepare the public, with this rumor fresh in their minds, but…eventually, it would be okay. It had to be okay.

If only…

If only they had been able to keep it a secret a little while longer. Just until he had time to cushion the blow. Just until he had everything finalized. Just until—

He does a double-take at the streak of indigo in a crowd and he immediately heads towards it, his better judgement pushed to the back of his mind. He feels for her chakra, scans the periphery for the color of her hair, the pale glow of her skin, the lavender of her sweater, _anything_ to find her and go to her.

He needs to see her. He needs to make sure she is okay. He needs to make sure nothing has changed.

It takes him a few seconds to realize that she is not here.

But her daughter is.

Himawari Hamasaki clutches the hand of a stoic-looking Shino Aburame, both walking slowly through the crowds, who instantly part for them and stare as they pass by. He freezes and watches as well.

Himawari looks so confused and timid and stricken that his chest aches, and he realizes he needs to leave the scene before anybody spots him and points him out, but she turns and sees him. The little girl pauses and stares, her eyes widening in recognition.

He remembers the first and only time they met and spoke. At the cemetery. How she had looked so shy and cute and wondrous at getting to know the man her mother had spoken of often. Of the illustrious Hokage. The revered hero of the Fourth Great Shinobi War. The trusted comrade of her dear uncle. The childhood friend of her mother.

The way she looks at him now assures him she does not see any of that right now. She sees the man who kissed her mother. A man who is not her father.

He swallows uncomfortably, eyes shifting away from her obtrusive stare. Her confused, widened eyes.

He looks up to see a set of dark visors fixed on him. As always, Shino’s expression is unreadable. But Naruto doesn’t need to see his eyes to know that he is angry.

Shino tugs at Himawari’s hand and leads her away. She spares the Hokage a final glance before complying, walking away without turning back. And Naruto does the same, heading the other direction, and shoving down the panic crawling up his throat. He doesn’t understand any of it. Himawari was always with her parents. If not with one, then with the other. _Always._ Then why…why was Shino—and what about Hamasaki? What about _her?_

Hamasaki’s threat pounds in his brain and he reminds himself constantly that they wouldn’t leave the village without their daughter but he can’t help his panic and he feels so stupid for letting three whole days pass without seeking her out, without finding her and securing her.

_Where are you?_

_Be okay._

* * *

Shikamaru goes through a whole pack of cigarettes by the time Naruto is finished.

Kakashi lounges on the couch, listening silently, as Tsunade paces the room.

Naruto’s office is in lockdown, with Konohamaru posted at the door to wave away visitors.

“It was only a kiss then?” Shikamaru reiterates, staring pointedly at him, eyes sharp and narrowed, the gears whirring in his head.

Naruto nods. “Yeah. Just a kiss.” His pride chips away at this, but he has no choice. It was just a kiss. That was the truth.

But that one kiss meant more to him than years of marriage. But nobody else has to know that. He keeps silent as Shikamaru ponders over this, the barrage of questions over.

_How long has this been going on?_

_How many times?_

_Did she ask you to?_

_Who else knows?_

_Did you tell anyone?_

_Does your family know?_

_Does her family know?_

_Why now? Why did you have to do this now?_

Tsunade sighs deeply through her nose. “The rumor had to have come from somewhere. _Someone_ spotted them at the cemetery. We need to find out who it was and—”

“And what?” Kakashi supplies. “Threaten them into silence?”

Tsunade locks eyes with Naruto. “Talk. That’s your specialty, isn’t it?”

He leans back in his chair and his eyes fall shut. He’s never felt like such an incompetent idiot. How could he not have felt somebody else’s presence? Sensed their chakra? He is the _Hokage_ for fuck’s sake. How could something like this slip past him?

Because he had been distracted. The answer is simple enough, but he wishes it weren’t true.

“Let’s send in a few plants.” Shikamaru drawls as he puffs weakly at another cigarette. “It might take a few days, but if we send in multiple, we can trace back each rumor source by source.”

“He-said-she-said, huh?” Tsunade sighs. “A crude method, but it might work.”

“In the meantime,” Kakashi says decisively. “We need to find a way to preserve Naruto’s public image.”

“I could make a speech.” Naruto chips in. He hasn’t talked much throughout the entire meeting, but he knows a thing or two about boosting morale. For now, he’s only grateful that his mentors and his advisor are treating this like a battle strategy and not an emotional intervention. The fact that his actions are to blame for their predicament is not acknowledged.

“Aa. We could also accept an invitation from one of those talk-show hosts.”

“Too risky. They might ask him a question about all of this.”

“Well, what about—”

A knock sounds at the door and all four pause and glance between each other.

The knock sounds again and Kakashi stands and goes to the door to see who would dare interrupt during a sealed discussion between the Hokage.

The door cracks open and the silver-haired Rokudaime peeks through. He softens at seeing who it is. “We’re in the middle of a meeting. Can this wait until later?”

“I’m afraid not.”

Naruto perks up at the familiar voice. Kakashi steps aside, letting in one stern Kurenai Sarutobi. Shikamaru straightens and stares at her cautiously, as Tsunade leans against the desk and studies her. “Kurenai-sensei…” Naruto mumbles uncertainly.

The dark-haired woman turns to regard him with piercing scarlet eyes. “Sota Surawa.” She says firmly. “Works the graveyard shift. Literally.”

A collective breath is drawn in by every other person in the room. “He—?”

“He is the one who saw you three nights ago and spread the original rumor.” She does not wait to be asked for details. “In my own experience visiting the cemetery at… _odd_ hours of the day…the only ones you tend to run into are the maintenance crew. I did a little digging, put two and two together, and took it upon myself to confirm my theory.”

“Kurenai—” Shikamaru begins and Kurenai immediately cuts him off.

“The rumors will be put to rest soon.”

Naruto can only stare in shock and silence, while Tsunade immediately finds her voice. “He is a _civilian_. What exactly did you do?”

Kurenai meets her stare head-on. “I extracted the memory and replaced it with a foggy illusion sequenced like a daydream.” Her brilliant eyes sharpen, and they are all reminded of her visual prowess. “His own marriage has been strained lately, and he has taken to the bottle to remedy it. Jealous of the Hokage’s perfect marriage, he spread the rumor and did not expect it to become so wide-spread.” She pauses. “At least, that is what he will be telling his friends and neighbors tomorrow morning.”

There is a silence in the room until Kakashi clears his throat. “No matter the circumstances…it’s been done. We’ll continue monitoring the situation in the meanwhile.”

Kurenai nods. “I’ll take my leave then.” She bows and turns to the door.

“Kurenai-sensei…” Naruto watches as she tenses and slowly glances back at him. “Thank you.”

Her eyes narrow. “I didn’t do it for you.” Without another word, she steps out the threshold and leaves the others in silence, each glancing at the Nanadaime and averting their eyes. He feels their stares.

“No more lectures.” Naruto says firmly. “I get it. Alright? I get it.”

“Do you?” Tsunade scrutinizes him with crossed arms. “Another blunder like this and you won’t get out of it so easily.”

“I know. It won’t happen again.”

“For all our sakes…” Kakashi shrugs on his jacket. “I hope so. I’m calling it a night. We’ll reconvene tomorrow if necessary.” He heads to the exit, with Tsunade following close behind.

The door closes with a near silent click and Naruto sighs, leaning back in his seat. His office dims darker and darker with the passing sunset and he almost forgets that Shikamaru is still in there, both disregarding each other’s presence despite it being Naruto’s personal office. He knows by now, though, that Shikamaru has something to say.

He is proven right when the advisor steps to the front of the desk and lowers to a chair, regarding the Hokage with cool, narrowed eyes. “Right now…right now, I’m not coming to you as your advisor and I am not asking you as the Hokage. Speak with me as your friend.” He requests lowly. “Why did you do it?”

Naruto shoots him a look of disbelief. “Do I really have to answer that? Isn’t it obvious by now?”

“No. It’s not. From over here, all I can see is a guilty man trying to redeem himself.” Naruto doesn’t reply. Shikamaru wouldn’t understand. He has his wife and his son, and Naruto knows that Shikamaru could not fathom a reality where they were taken from him. But Naruto does.

When Shikamaru was wronged, he went out and set it right. He took matters into his own hands.

That was all Naruto was trying to do.

But they would never understand.

At his silence, the Nara sighs. “You know…this is why we all encouraged her to invite you to her wedding.” Naruto looks up at him with crinkled eyes. “You skipped out.” More silence. “It was nice. Small and intimate.” Naruto’s eyes fall shut. He can barely stomach the idea of Hinata and her husband. He had no desire before to see them in such a way, and that aversion has multiplied since then.

A happy wedding.

A proud groom.

A beautiful bride.

Cake and in-laws and wedding gifts and photos and blushing cheeks and a warm hand to hold on to and a kiss to seal it all.

It makes him sick to his stomach.

Shikamaru sighs heavily, put off by the silence. “Look. I’m not trying to lecture you. I couldn’t care less what happens between you and Hinata.” His eyes sharpen. “But you’re a shinobi.”

Naruto glances up at him. “Shikamaru…”

“I don’t have to explain to you that the rest of the village looks up to you. You’re the example we set for future generations. The shinobi of this day aspire to become you. Make sure that person is someone worth following after.”

Blue eyes soften and lower.

The chair scrapes back and Shikamaru stands. “Go home, Nanadaime. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He trails out of the office and closes the door behind him.

* * *

His house is dark and silent as he creeps to his bedroom. Until now, he hadn’t thought much of what might have been happening within the walls of his own home. Now, as his hand grips the doorknob, a dread fills him. Whatever is on the other side of this door…he doesn’t want to face it.

Quietly, he steps in and closes the door behind him.

Had it not been for the moonlight streaming in the window, he might not have seen her.

His wife crouches on the bed and stares at him openly.

Naruto looks at her for a few seconds before turning to his dresser and pulling out a t-shirt.

“Is it true?”

He pauses. Doesn’t turn to look at her as he answers, “They were just rumors. It’s being taken care of. Don’t worry about it.” He shrugs on his shirt, pulls on his sweats, and goes to his side of the bed, pushing back the dread coursing through him, pulling up the blankets and adjusting his pillows while ignoring her stare.

They don’t speak as he tucks the blankets around himself and screws his eyes shut.

He forgot that she could be quiet when she wanted to be, because she softly murmurs, “Do you know that nobody calls me by my name?” His eyes snap open but he doesn’t turn to her. She is silent for a few more seconds before continuing. “They don’t. I don’t have a name here.” Naruto turns around at this, and sees a bottle of wine on her nightstand, uncapped. He cringes before turning to her.

“You’re not thinking straight. Go to sleep.”

She laughs softly. “No. I’m going to say my piece. And you’re going to listen.” She regards him with those dark eyes of hers and he doesn’t move an inch. “I tried, you know?” Naruto glances once at her before pulling the sheet up and rolling back to face the wall. She doesn’t flinch. “I put up with it all because I had hope. I’m not perfect. I know that. But I tried. I tried and it never mattered. I tried to understand you. I met your friends. I tried to learn as much as I could about the people you were closest with. Even if it was different, even though everything was so different from what I was used to...I wanted to _know_ you. But you didn’t want to know me. You never tried to get to know me.

“Naruto Uzumaki is the hero of the village. Naruto Uzumaki is the savior of the world. Naruto Uzumaki can do no wrong and I’m _lucky_ that he even gave me the time of day.” Her voice is so bitter and spiteful that he doesn’t need to turn around to know what she looks like right now. “But no one told me how… _obsessive_ you could be. That’s what you do. Obsess. Once you get an idea in your head, there’s nothing in the world that will change your mind about it.

“That’s what happened with Sasuke. You got the idea in your head that you needed to save him, no matter the cost. You ignored everybody. You only focused on him. On reaching your goal. Everybody else was shoved out of the way, and if they couldn’t help you bring him back, then they fell off the wagon.” She scoffs. “And now you have this idea in your head that your life is ruined. That _I_ ruined your life.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “That—that _she_ has something I don’t—that _she’s_ the _one_ …and…and no matter what I do, what anybody else does…you’re never going to let go. You’re never going to give up.”

He can feel her cold stare on him. He hears her fumbling, the bottle swiped off the nightstand, and her gulp. “I’m lucky, I guess. Because even after you decided that I wasn’t good enough, that you changed your mind about me…you couldn’t get rid of me that easily. I just didn’t know that you were still trying. Even after all these years. Even after Boruto…I still don’t matter to you.” There is a tense silence. His body feels heavy, unmoving, dead. He vaguely wonders why she isn’t crying and yelling like she normally does when she wants his attention.

Some silence passes. He still has not moved, or breathed, and she reclines quietly on her pillow. The tension is thick. When she speaks again, he can tell she had been using that time to clean herself up. Blink back her tears and swallow the knot in her throat. “I wondered what my place was. Obviously, I’m your wife. I’m the mother of your son. The First Lady of the Hokage. That’s who I am.

“But I’m also the bitch. I’m the jealous wife. You’re fantasizing about a married woman, and somehow _I’m_ the homewrecker.” Her anger is ripe, thick in her voice. “I’m the reason why you can’t just do whatever the hell you want. And I’m glad I am.

“You know the awful part about it? I knew it. I saw it happening. I remember the _exact_ moment I realized what you are. When you first brought me to the village. I remember seeing how much everyone loves you. How perfect you are to them. How you waved and smiled and walked past them and you never even noticed the woman standing there, watching you with tears in her eyes.” There is bitterness in her voice, anger, resentment, and the slightest undertone of pity that makes his chest ache. “Or maybe you did notice her. Maybe you just looked away.” He can hear her grin.

They are silent again for a long few minutes, in which neither moved or even breathed too loudly. She is too angry and he is too ashamed. “I was such a fool. To think you’d _actually_ come around, and stop looking at me like a stranger. I always knew you were far away from me. I laid down next to you every night and you were always somewhere else. And you’d use me. Like I was no one. Like I didn’t matter.” Her voice cracks. “Like I was somebody else.”

Now she cries. She sniffles and whimpers and he hates that he still wishes he were somewhere else. “I was so stupid.” She gasps. “I thought—those times when you would take us out to eat, or ask me how my day went, or-or just _look_ at me—I thought everything would be okay. I thought—at least, he respects me. At least he cares about me. At _least_ , he’s still here.”

She stares at him, her eyes burning and angry. “You’re a piece of shit, Naruto. You’re _trash_ and a _fake_ and I hope that someday everyone else will see that too.”

When he finally speaks, his voice is low and throaty, a knot lodged in his throat. “Will you leave?” And it’s strange, how easily he had promised he would leave her, but now, seeing her anguish and realizing how long she had been suffering…his heart hung heavily in his chest. Because he does love her. He cares for her, and wants the best for her, and he knows that is not him. Was never supposed to be him. He wishes she understood that.

There is a tense moment of silence before she bursts out laughing; guttural and bitter and so hateful, that he swallows. “Why? So you can run off with your whore? Get your happily ever after while I’m left behind?” She scoffs. “I’m not going anywhere. Not in this lifetime.” She tucks her arms around her and pants through her nose, struggling to relax in her fit of anger. “Don’t do it.” She says lowly and he stills. “Whatever you were planning to do…don’t do it.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. “…I can’t live the rest of my life like this.”

She scoffs. “You’re such a fucking child.”

His suppressed rage bubbles. “Stop acting like you didn’t ask for this. _You’re_ the one that started this. You-you tricked me. From the very beginning. I was fucking naïve and I should have seen it coming a mile away, but you’re the one that wanted this. You wanted to be the hero’s fling. You wanted to be the Hokage’s wife. _You_ wanted this. _I didn’t_.”

Her lips curls and her hands tense with her instinct to start swinging, something she has learned at this point is useless against him. “Asshole.” She grits her teeth. “You’re such a fucking asshole.” Yeah. Maybe he is. But he doesn’t care anymore. Not when she is threatening to take everything from him. “You think you’re so much better than me. Don’t act like you were so innocent! Don’t act like you weren’t using me too! You wanted to be with a woman, and guess what, dumbass?! You didn’t think about _her_. You didn’t go to _her_.”

He breathes shallowly at the insult. Of course he didn’t go to her. He didn’t know jack shit about love and that wasn’t what he was looking for when he went on his tour. He shakes his head with narrowed eyes, heated at her accusation.

She continues with a scoff, ignoring his pointed sighs. “You’re delusional. You always have been. You live in this fantasy world where everything’s perfect and happy and…” She breaks off. “You’re lying to yourself, Naruto.”

His eyes scrunch shut. He’s so tired of the lectures, of being told how stupid and slow he is. He knows. He already fucking knows. And she’s the last person he needs to hear this from. “You don’t know anything.”

He can feel her turn to him. “Tell me. Does your fantasy world include me? Am I anywhere to be found?” She doesn’t even pause for his answer. “And Boruto?” Her voice cracks. “Your son? Is he a mistake too? Just like I am?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Rarely has he ever directly cursed at her, threatened her with his glare alone to keep her mouth shut, but this is one of those moments. She does not return his stare but she does not—will _never—_ hold her tongue with him.

“You think he’ll accept this? He _won’t._ He’ll hate you. Even more than he already does! Nothing will ever change the fact that he is _my son_ —mine and yours.” She pauses. “Not hers. _Never_ hers.” Her breathing becomes harsh and shallow with her rage. “And what about her kid? What, are you going to be her new _daddy_? Is that what you honestly think?!” His mind takes him back to earlier today, of Himawari and her knowing eyes and the dread he had pushed back charges in again. She kneels on the bed, now staring at him dead-on. He doesn’t answer her, knowing he is angry enough to spit nothing but curses her way.

The sheets ruffle as she lifts herself from the bed. “Fine then. You’re so smart, and you know everything, then do whatever the fuck you want.” She drags her pillow with her to the door and pauses, her back to him. “If…” She swallows. “If you won’t do it for me…” A sniff. “Then do it for Boruto.” She closes the door behind her.

* * *

The next morning is tense and silent.

Naruto sits at the table, smearing a slab of butter across his bread while the rest of his family move around the kitchen, preparing for the day.

“Dad.”

Naruto glances at Boruto, raising an eyebrow in response. “What is it, son?”

His matching vivid blue eyes are lowered, unseeing as he slowly packs his lunch in his bag. “It’s just…I heard something really weird yesterday…”

* * *

He wears another face as he crosses through the village.

There is no staring. No whispers. No acknowledgement. He is just another ordinary villager.

In the safety of his henge, he stands quietly in the middle of the congested road and stares up a familiar apartment building. He sees the silky, olive curtains, drawn closed, with the candle perched on the sill, unlit. A quiet, quaint, comfortable little home that she made her own.

He allows himself to stare and wills her to come to her window, to poke her head out and wave to him, like she has on so many other occasions. To assure him with a smile she would see him soon.

She does not come.

Naruto turns and heads towards the apothecary, ducking out of the way of villagers who don’t bother to step out of the way for him. When he gets to the small, modest shop, he pauses at the door, his hand hesitant on the doorknob, spying through the glass panes.

Hamasaki stands at the counter, trimming a potted leafy plant, a green apron wrapped around him. His head is bowed, concentrated on his work. His hands are steady. His stance is firm.

But his eyes are dull, and heavy, and unseeing. And, every few seconds, he pauses from his work, breathes in deeply, and returns to his trimming.

Naruto sighs.

He pushes the door open, and steps inside the small shop, instantly greeted with the earthy aroma of herbs and soil. Hamasaki looks up from his plant, a mirthful gleam returned to his eyes at the sight of a customer. “Ah, I’ll be with you in just a moment.” He snips once more at his leaves as Naruto stares and then places the scissors to the side. He slips on his gray gloves and shelves the plant behind him before turning back to him, his eyes wide and welcoming, unsuspecting as he unknowingly greets the man who tried to steal his wife. There is a faint smile on his lips, the corners turned up, and Naruto notices for the first time that the man has dimples.  And he can’t help staring at him in dread, wondering if this happy, smiling man with warm eyes and dark wavy hair is what Hinata sees when she looks at him. “How can I help you?”

Naruto does not respond right away, as he glances around the shop, anywhere but at this man’s face that looks nothing like the dismal, selfish bastard that came to his office a few days ago. Unintentionally, his observing eyes graze over a pair of worn, lavender gardening gloves resting on the counter. A creamy beige apron folded underneath.

A knot lodges in his throat and he tears his eyes away to settle back on Hamasaki, while dropping his transformation.

Hamasaki’s smile flattens as his eyes widen and then narrow.

Then, through gritted teeth, Hamasaki speaks. “Get out.”

The Hokage does not move or soften his stare. He steps closer, crossing his arms over his chest. “Where is she?”

“That’s none of your business.”

He sucks in a breath through his nose. “I… _understand_ that you are upset but—”

“You don’t know anything.” The shopkeeper mumbles.

“Look, nothing happened.” Naruto lies easily. “It was just a rumor. It’s being taken care of.”

Hamasaki scoffs, a bitter smile stretches his lips. “She already told me everything. You don’t need to save face.” At that, Naruto pauses. Hinata…she told him? He doesn’t want to believe it, that she would recount such a private moment between them to somebody else.

He swallows. “Don’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault.”

“Wasn’t her fault…” He repeats with a grim smile. “Nobody forced her to…do that to you.” Hamasaki murmurs. “She told me the truth. I don’t need to hear it again.” He pauses, setting his hands down on the counter and bowing his head. “You could have had anybody you wanted.” He says lowly. “You have a wife and plenty of other women fawning over you. You’re the _Hokage._ You have your family. You have _everything._ Why did you have to take mine too?” He isn’t expecting an answer, Naruto realizes. He is saying what he has wanted to say forever, what he wanted to say to him all those days ago when Naruto had dismissed his every word as nonsense. “You were right.” Hamasaki continues in a low voice, eyes dropped the countertop. His anger has simmered. “Everything you said…you were right. I know that now.”

Naruto doesn’t know what to say. He watches the defeated man carefully. “I…”

“Please…just go.”

He bites at his lip. Swallows. Acknowledges that the man is hurt and has every right to feel so. Because he is not a slab of mud. He is a man who has been wronged. “It shouldn’t have happened. And I—” He pauses briefly, decides he will not apologize, and then continues. “She’s a good woman. It was…a mistake.” He does not meet Hamasaki’s eyes as he turns and heads to the door, pulling on that unfamiliar face, and leaves without another word.

* * *

A week passes in silence.

Well, it wasn’t all that silent. There was a lot of screaming and even more crying. There were questions, and interrogations, and demands. There were sighs. There were accusations. There were pleads.

But there was also silence.

A silence that went unaddressed, unacknowledged. But, as the days passed and he had yet to hear from her…he couldn’t help but worry.

She no longer stands and smiles at him from the merchant stalls. Or waves at him from the entrance of the academy, Himawari in hand. There is no one to watch for when he rounds about the village, gaze trained ahead, the public eye reminding him who he is and what he cannot do.

There is no more Hinata. No more of her gentle grins. No more of her embarrassed blushes. No more quiet encouragement. No more lilting laughter, and crinkling eyebrows, and pale, widened eyes. No more groceries to hold, or lame jokes to crack, or covert staring.

The village is still peaceful.

The ramen at Ichiraku’s is still the best in the world.

The grass is still green.

The sky is still blue.

But Hinata is not there and he is afraid everything will go back to the way it used to be.

When he was alone.

Alone, and yet surrounded by people. Alone, and smothered with the weight of an entire village. Of the world.

Alone and knowing what it truly means to belong.

He has family, a wife and a son. He has friends, comrades he trusts his life to. Mentors and teachers that taught him what was important. He has so many bonds now, he can’t keep track of them. So many people dear to his heart, precious to him and worth every grueling moment spent locked up in his office.

He thinks of his son. A spoiled, annoying brat that made him want to tear his hair out, but meant everything to him. He’s never loved anyone the way he loves Boruto. And out of every beating heart in the world, there is none he treasures more than his son’s.

He loves his son. He loves his wife. He loves his friends, and his family, and his teachers, and the cups of instant ramen stashed in his desk that help him get through a day. He loves his village, and the high of a battle, and taking care of his plants. He loves being the Hokage, and the acknowledgment that he has accomplished his life-long dream, along with many other goals.

But there is a love he held once in his arms, gripped in his hand, and he is afraid he will never know it again. And he asks himself, pleads with himself, begs himself to realize how many bonds he has, how much love he has, how he should never feel alone again.

He sighs and stares up ahead.  

The moon is still there, he reminds himself. Still beautiful. Still within reach, if he only knew how to get to it. He imagines himself flying. And then falling.

His eyes lower. Drawing himself up, he stares down into the village. The Hokage Monument has always been his favorite escape. A good place to stand and watch over, from high above, where no one bothered to look. Where he could be alone and he could sigh and stress and pull at his hair without any watching eyes.

Without meaning to, he thinks of the swing.  

Sometimes….sometimes, he misses that swing.

Sometimes, he feels he is still on it.

A sudden prickle at the back of his neck forces him to pause, tense and alert, and he realizes a second too late that he is being watched. He turns around and can’t help his sharp intake of breath. There is a moment of complete shock; his heart stops, his body locks into place. And then the flood of emotions he always had trouble sifting through slams into him with a fresh intensity: panic, and desperation and wonder and fear and relief—but above it all, happiness. Peace. Finally.

“Hinata…” He says her name so softly, that it’s a murmur.  

She stands there, at the base of his father’s stone face, and he watches without breathing as she walks up the slope, pausing as she stands before him. Her hand, curled into her chest, slowly drops to her side as she steps towards him. He does not move from his perch, legs hanging over the verge of his father’s spike of hair, afraid to breathe, afraid to move too quickly, afraid of the impending moment where reality will set in again.

She pulls her eyes away from his to take in the view of the village. “I see why you like it here so much.” Her voice is the same; low and soft and the most comforting sound he’s heard in what feels like a lifetime. She glances back at him with a small smile and then lowers herself, methodically bending her ankles behind her, before deciding against it and letting her legs dangle over the edge like his.

They are silent again, and at this point, both have torn their gazes away from each other to stare over the village. Blinking lights. Tree tops. Windows. Homes. The Hokage tower. Roads and people and flocks of birds and all the reasons why they cannot be together.

“Where were you?” He doesn’t realize he has said it out loud until she answers him.

“With my family.” She says quietly. “The Hyūga compound.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t know what answer he was expecting— _lockdown, house arrest, solitary confinement, quarantine_. In the heat of his panic, it had all seemed so plausible. “So…this whole time…that’s where you were?”

She nods. “Yes. For the most part.” They are quiet for a few seconds, as Naruto tries to comprehend what she’s told him. He knows she hasn’t been on the best terms with the Hyūgas for some time now, since she married out of the family. He hopes…he hopes he didn’t get her into trouble with them too. From the corner of his eye, he watches Hinata’s sandaled foot swing leisurely through the air, tenderly and distractedly. “They just…wanted to clear my name.” She says softly. “’Preserve the image of the Hyūga,’” She quotes quietly.

He swallows uncomfortably. “I…well, _we_ stopped the rumors. So…so nobody’s talking about it anymore.”

She nods solemnly, and the corner of her lips turn up in a small forced smile. “I see.” Breaking off with a subtle frown, she glances down at her hands in her lap. Her voice comes out in a murmur. “Who saw us?”

A graveyard worker, he thinks bitterly. One man was the reason for all the shit he was in now. But that wasn’t the whole truth, was it? “The village.” He decides. “The village saw.” Hinata accepts it easily, nodding solemnly.

“H-how…how did your wife take it?” She asks quietly. His hands still.

“We fought.” He says simply. She doesn’t need to hear the details, the agony of the woman he’s betrayed. “What about…him?”

She doesn’t flinch. “I hurt him.” She responds under her breath. He is startled by the look in her eyes, recognizing the emptiness he once saw in the eyes of her husband. The man she betrayed. He knows Hinata, and he knows the acknowledgement that she has caused grief to him is nearly physically painful for her. He can see it in her eyes. He can feel it inside his heart, the regret he feels towards his own wife. Two innocent people who got hurt, the casualties in their pursuit of happiness.

Naruto watches her and struggles. He doesn’t know how to say it. Has thought of this moment for days, but never actually prepared for this. He clears his throat. “Hinata, I…I didn’t…” He pauses and clenches his fists, his eyes scrunching shut. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

He can feel Hinata turn to him, sense her gaze on him. “But it did.” She says softly.

He does not turn to look at her.

Naruto is many things. He is brash and impulsive and thick-headed. He can be clueless. He has been known to be dense.

But he’s not stupid. He knows what is happening. Has known it was coming for quite some time now. “Hinata…” He sighs. “Why did you come here?” He knows that this time, Hinata is the one that sought him out. That looked for him and found him and came to him. A small part of him is overjoyed; no…every part of him, every cell in his body, every fiber of his being pounds in excitement. Hinata is here again. Hinata is looking at him again and thinking of him again and she’s so close now that he can feel her warmth, and he knows how easily he can take her hand again. He can take her hand and it can be the same as it was all those other times. He could touch her again. He could hold her again. He could kiss her again, with nobody but the moon to see them.

But he’s not stupid.

She turns to look at him, her gaze soft and patient, but with a sense of purpose that sends his nerves into overdrive. He knows that look. She lowers her eyes and stares back into the village. “What I did was wrong.”

Yeah. Yeah, he knew that. As he goes to nod his agreement, he suddenly pauses at the realization of what she has just said. “It…it was me, too, Hinata. I was wrong too. It wasn’t just you, it was the both of us.”

“No. It was me.”

“No. If anything, it was _me._ I…” He worries the hem of his cloak in his hand. “I did this.”

There is a moment of silence, in which the two stared into their hands or laps, pointedly avoiding the other’s eyes. Hinata is the first to speak. “When I was younger, my father once told me that I was set up for failure.”

His knuckles flex and he clenches his hands into fists. “That’s—”

“He was right.” She says softly. Her eyes are wide and unwavering, as she stares into the sky. “Everything I did…I failed in. In being a daughter, a sister, an heiress…I was worthless.” She presses her lips together, her head dipping down enough so that her bangs fell into her eyes. Naruto watches with bated breath, waiting for the right moment to stop her and tell her she was being too hard on herself. “And…when I became a shinobi…I had hoped that, maybe, I’d find my purpose. But…I wasn’t too good at that either. And…and I was starting to understand that maybe it was just my lot in life. Some people are born to be great.” She glances at him from the corner of her eye and he holds her meaningful stare before she looks back into her open palms. “And some people just aren’t.”

“Stop talking like that.” He snaps coldly and she recoils.

“I…I just—”

“I’m not going to sit here and listen to this.” He says firmly and decidedly. “I’ve told you alre—”

“For once in your life,” Her low mumble cracks out, rough and deep with resentment and he instantly freezes up. Hands curling into fists, she whirls on him so fast her hair flies around her, her eyes hard and narrowed. “For _once_ in your _life,_ this is _not_ about you!” Naruto flinches, eyes widening at her horrible accusation. “This isn’t about you.” She whispers, eyes still locked onto his. She takes a breath and he presses his lips together tightly before his outraged righteousness can speak for him again. “Not this time. Okay? Not this time.”

Scrunching his eyes shut, he forces his hands to unclench and settles them on his sides. “Okay,” He says with a tremble.

Some time passes again in silence, and he tries to relax, ignoring the ominous tension in the air. “I’m sorry.” Hinata murmurs quietly. “I just…I’ve been… _thinking_ a lot these past few days.” He swallows. Nods. “And…I think I need to tell you why.” She pauses, taking a shaky breath. “Why I can’t be with you. Why I was never going to be with you.”

Naruto pants through his nose, hyperaware of the frantic thrashing in his chest, of the stinging of his eyes, the burn of his dry throat as he takes quick, shallow breaths—danger. _Run._ Danger. _Fight._ Danger. _Don’t let her do this._ “O-Okay.” He chokes out, forcing himself to remain calm.

Hinata glances at him, eyes widening in what he can only assume is the look on his face. He vaguely wonders if he looks as dreadful as he feels. She doesn’t. She’s calm and collected and careful and gentle and everything he wants to drown himself in.

And then she speaks.

“One time, when I was eight, and Neji was beating me in every spar, and Hanabi was getting stronger, and father was getting angrier every day—I was being bullied by a few boys.” Her fingers clutch at themselves. “And I cried, because that was the only thing I was good at, and I waited for it to pass so I could pick myself up and go home.

“But then you came. You came and you yelled at them and told them to leave me alone and it was the first time anybody had ever stood up for me.” Her eyes stare across the sky, seeing something he can barely remember, as hard as he tries to. “You were this little boy with dirty clothes and a loud voice and the nicest smile I had ever seen.

“I’d see you around the village and I noticed that a lot of people didn’t like you. They’d yell at you and call you names but you never cried or gave up. Not like I did. You were strong. I wanted to be strong too. I wanted to be like you.” A bird flies past them and they both stare after it. He wants to tell her he did cry. That, when he was alone in his apartment and he could see the moon from his window, that he would cry and choke on his own snot and wake up with a mess on his shirt. That he would give up just as many times as he would stand and fight. But she is talking and he will not interrupt. “I would think of you when I wanted to cry. I would think of you when my body would hurt and my legs shook so much, I could barely stand on them. I would think of you when my clan would whisper about me and I was waiting for the day I would be put in a different cage. I would think of you when Ko told me that some flowers take longer to bloom than others.”

Naruto’s eyes scrunch shut. He wishes she would stop. It hurts.

“My father once told me that I was set up for failure.” She repeats softly. “It was because I was afraid of trying.” She pauses and sighs. “But everything I tried at, I failed. And if there was one thing I didn’t want to fail, one thing I didn’t want to ruin for myself…it was you. I didn’t want you to see me and see what everyone else saw. I was afraid that you wouldn’t like me…because I really liked you.

“But I still ended up failing you. Because you needed a friend, and I couldn’t be that person for you. I’d see you on that swing and I’d think to myself that, one day, I would go to you and offer to push you high enough that you could see the Hokage monument.

“I never did. And I’m so sorry for that.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I wanted to change myself. I desperately, desperately wanted to change. I wanted to be a completely different person. Someone worth looking at. Someone worth fighting for. Someone worth walking besides. You showed me, the day of the preliminary rounds of the Chūnin exams, that change starts from within. And if I really wanted to change, I just needed to try and I could do it.” The corner of her lips pull up. “It’s kind of funny. I still failed that day. But I tried and I was so happy, even when Shino told me how foolish I had been. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t care. I was still a failure, but for the first time, I stood tall and proud. And it was because of you. It was always because of you.” She paused after that, reclining somewhat as she looked up into the sky, the moon mirroring her own soft gaze. Quietly, still looking up and away from his stare, she continued.

“As time went by, I felt like I really was changing. I was able to encourage you and talk to you— _really_ talk to you, the way I always wanted to. I asked Neji to train me, and I was learning how to take my taijutsu to the next level. I was a better teammate to my squad. My father told me I needed improvement, but I knew I would get there someday.

“So much has changed since then. I’ve said and done things I never thought I would ever be capable of. I felt like I had caught up. I was worthy. I was _there_ , walking besides you, holding your hand, and I planned on staying there. I was going to be the person I always wanted to be.

“And then I realized I failed.” Now her gaze lowered. “Naruto-kun…I was hurt. M-More than that, I...” Her whispery voice softened. “I was devastated.” Her fingers still, relaxing from their tight grip on her sweater. “It…destroyed me. And…and even though I had grown so much, and fought so hard…it was like I had never changed. I was that hopeless little girl again. The one who failed in everything.”

Naruto shrinks into himself, his legs drawing up to tuck into his torso, clutching at his sleeves. He knows this. He’s always known this. That he, of all people, had been the one to wound her. Hinata, who never succumbed, never strayed, no matter how many times she had been pushed to the brink…he had been the one to break her.  

But he has never heard this said aloud. Has never heard it straight from the lips of the woman he cherishes so the depths of what he has done to her. And if what he feels inside, the wrenching immensity in his chest, is anything like what Hinata felt all those years of silence and negligence…then he will accept this pain a thousand-fold. He stays silent, keeps the burdens of his soul, his pleads for redemption, locked inside, away from her.

But it’s hard. He can’t keep his hands from shaking, or suppress the short breathless pants from his nose. It feels like he’s being choked.

“I’m sorry.” He looks up, sees Hinata watching him carefully with sympathetic eyes, seeing how her words were hurting him. And she repeats herself. “I’m sorry, Naruto-kun.”

A rush of emotion slams into him at hearing this, an apology he does not deserve and rages at receiving. Eyes stinging with the sudden burn of angry, frustrated, suppressed tears, he can’t help his shouts. “Stop it. Stop saying that! Stop apologizing to me! What are you—do you even realize—why do you always have to be like this, Hinata?!” He grips onto his hair, pulling and growling through clenched teeth. He’s so angry. He’s so fucking angry, and he rages and curses and he hates himself so much—why does he always have to be like this? Why is he such a screw-up?! Why did he always have to fuck everything up?! Why couldn’t he have saved her and protected her like he saved everyone else?! And why— _why_ did it have to be like this?!

Naruto’s seething is cut short as his hand is taken and gently held.

Hinata stares ahead serenely, unflinching in the wake of his rage and agony, running her thumb over his knuckles as if she were stroking him to sleep. Naruto takes in deep breaths through his nose, calming himself down and unknowingly grips tightly onto her fingers. His trembles still, and he waits.

Hinata does not turn to him. And though she holds his hand, dutifully and devotedly, he can feel her reluctance—her instinct to pull away from him. But he does not have the strength to let go. His fingers curl around hers. “But you—you said…I thought you forgave me.” He murmurs, thinking back to that night in the forest—his apology and her accepting smile. Her reassurance that she still looked at him the same way.

Her eyes lower to her feet, the color of her gaze washed out by the heaviness of her expression. “I thought so too.” She says quietly. “I really did.”

“Then…then all this time…” He trails off breathlessly, reexamining every instant he has shared with her since that fateful day, every smile he took, every moment he cherished…had she resented him? Looked at him and smiled and crumbled with the effort? And…for what? So she wouldn’t hurt his feelings? It baffles him. “All this time…you hated me?” And, in the same breath, told him she loved him. He doesn’t understand.

She looks up slowly. “I don’t know.” A brief pause. “I don’t think so. I-I could never _hate_ you, Naruto-kun, but…but it isn’t the same. It’s not the same as before.”

Before he ruined her.

Naruto swallows through a dry cracked throat. “Then why…” _Why did you let me in? Why did you say everything was okay? Why did you smile for me and ask me to rest more and laugh at my jokes and blush when I looked at you too long? Why did you tell me you loved me?_ “Why did you let me kiss you?”

Pink dusts at her cheeks, heats even the tip of her nose, as she lowers her eyes and briefly presses her lips together. “Be-because…because I wanted it.”

At her quiet confession, he slowly pulls his head back up from its droop and turns to look at her. “I don’t understand.” He presses. She does not respond or even turn to look at him. “Hinata, _please,_ I…I’m _trying_. This is _hard_ for me.”

After a long moment of silence, Hinata regards him from the corner of her eye and then turns to face him. “Do you know what love is?” She asks softly, and his eyes widen. “Do you?”

It’s a question he’s never tried to answer—not even in his thoughts—and he doesn’t even know where to begin. Mentally, he grasps at straws, racing to find a suitable answer, find the words he knows she wants to hear. “Y-Yeah, I mean, _yeah_ , of course. It’s like…”

He pauses. For once…he doesn’t know how to answer. It’s an idea so large and multifaceted, he knows there are so many sides to it. Sides he learned long ago, and a side that dawned on him like a quiet sunrise.

What to say to a person like her, who has always grasped such an impossible concept with an unbelievable simplicity. A frightening ease.

_“When I look at you, I get this intense feeling in my heart.”_

Naruto absent-mindedly runs his hand over his chest, his thoughts stumbling over that sudden memory. That. Yes, that.

“It’s when…”

_“That’s why I’m not afraid to die, if it means I can protect you!”_

Sacrifice. Sacrifice and courage and the most unbelievable words he has ever heard. A recollection of quietly asking Iruka-sensei, at the Sandaime’s funeral, why someone would give up their life for another. A haunting answer in her challenging eyes and powerful voice.

He understands more than she will ever know.

_“My heart instantly connected with the Kyuubi’s will…”_

Hatred. And pain. So much pain. So much rage. An unparalleled need for vengeance. Even that. He knows what caused the darkest moment of his life.

_“It’s all in your eyes.”_

He pauses, looking up into her eyes that once burned with such ferocity that he can hardly believe how softly they could shimmer for him too.

If there is an answer, one that cannot be put into words, that is where he can see it.

_“My life was never just mine!”_

He’s connected with so many people. Different ties that linked their lives together: friendship, and family, and experiences, and dreams, and values, and comradery, and—

And a red thread that he never noticed weaving into his soul, his heart—the tie that binds him to Hinata.

And it’s fraying.

_“It’s all thanks to you standing by my side…”_

And the truth of that statement, that declaration he shouted to the world while holding her in his tight grip…the weight of it is almost frightening. He needs her there, in a way he has never understood but has always accepted. Always.

“Yes.” He says. “I do.” Her eyes soften, lowering and glancing over to the bright lights of the village. “You don’t believe me.” He mumbles, seeing the far-away expression in her eyes, the disbelief in her brow that tells him she was not expecting his immediate answer. He swallows the knot in his throat. “I meant what I said.” He says decisively, and he knows she too is thinking of his words at the cemetery. His kiss. His promise.

Some time passes in contemplative silence, as he watches Hinata avoid his stare and think quietly to herself before glancing once over at him. “Sorry, I…I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

Her brow furrows. “I just…” She pauses, breathing out a quiet sigh. “The first time he ever told me that he loved me…I didn’t believe him.” Naruto unknowingly clenches his fingers, in momentary disbelief and irritation at the callous mention of her husband—in such a private and tender moment between them—but he quickly waves it away, reminding himself this is not about him. This is about Hinata. So he stays quiet. “You see, no one…h-had ever said that to me before. A-And it’s not that I doubt that anybody cares for me, because I have a very loving family and many caring friends—” He almost smiles at her panicked explanation, glad to see a glimpse of the teenage girl he remembers that was always quick to cushion any heavy words with a lengthy, often unnecessary clarification. “…but I had to change before anybody ever even looked my way.

“Deciding to change, to stand up for myself and became a stronger person…it’s still the best decision I made in my life. I’m proud of the way that I’ve grown.” She assures with a firm smile. “But I didn’t have to change for him. I can’t even say that for my family. My clansmen, my grandfather, my father, my sister, even…even Neji-niisan.” Her eyes lower briefly before lifting back up. “I didn’t have to change for him. He…he loved me the way that I was. And that means everything to me.”

Naruto is deathly silent as he stares into the dark night sky. There is nothing to say. How can he possibly refute this when he knows exactly how she feels? What she really means, the underlying words in her speech, goes unsaid, but their reluctance to acknowledge it doesn’t make it any less true. Hinata wanted to change for many reasons…and Naruto was one of them. And it had taken years. _Years_ before he finally realized it.

 _Years_ before he looked at her and saw what had been there the entire time, what she had always struggled to show him. Saw that, behind the strong, unbreakable woman he grew up with, was a girl who wanted to be loved just as much as he did.

And somebody else had seen her first.

“Hinata,” He murmurs. “If…if I had known—”

“That’s not the point.” She cuts in, shaking her head softly. “Naruto-kun…really, I get it.” She wets her lips and forces a grin under his dubious stare. “I-It’s not like you did it on purpose. I…came to understand that. And I would never hold it against you.” She punctuates that with a meaningful shake of her head. “…but it doesn’t change what happened.” She finally says what he has known in his heart but didn’t want to accept. That, this time, he can’t fix it. That she did not want him to.

“…I see.” He forces himself to say when she doesn’t continue.

“Th-that’s the problem.” Hinata says softly. “I don’t think you do.”

At this, he stills and then turns to face her. Insensitive and tactless as he may be, this feels like the final nail in the coffin—one he doesn’t deserve. “Hinata. I _get_ it. Okay? I fucked up. I get it.”

Her brow scrunches briefly in irritation. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I just…I want you to understand.”

“I understand just fine. You’re not gonna leave him. I get it. I don’t want to hear anymore.” He can’t help biting back gruffly. He doesn’t want to hear it. Whatever else she has to say to him…he can go the rest of his life without hearing it.

“You’re angry with me.”

He pauses at her quiet revelation, ready to deny it, before realizing that…yes. He is angry. He’s angry and he feels betrayed and he hates that she’s comparing him to that bastard because it’s not fucking fair and he’s starting to regret ever telling her how deeply he feels for her if this is how it is going to end and—

“I was angrier.” Hinata replies. Naruto’s thoughts slam to a complete stop, startled by her cold expression. “I felt left behind and forgotten and lied to and like… a complete fool.” Her eyes close. “And everyone…everyone felt sorry for me. They looked at me with pity in their eyes, and they would hug me and tell me that it would pass and that you were just an idiot and not to blame you because you didn’t know any better—and I was so angry.” He watches from the corner of his eye as she clenches her hands. “I was hurt and miserable and so lost and I had never been so angry in my entire life.” The weight of such a bold claim isn’t lost on him. “But I wasn’t angry with you. Not entirely, at least. I was angry with myself, and I hated what I had become, and what I was doing, and what I let happen to me. I couldn’t believe how foolish I was. How _stupid_ I was, believing that anybody would ever love me the way that I loved you…” She pauses, breathing heavily through her nose. “And you didn’t even care. I couldn’t even leave my room, and you were introducing her to all our friends and buying flowers for her and getting ready for the birth of your son…and I couldn’t even leave my room.”

Naruto sits and lets this soak in—because it is true and he knows and remembers every moment…but it is also a complete lie. And he understands now why saying so doesn’t make it any better. Telling her that he thought of her often doesn’t make it hurt less. Telling her that she was the reason he couldn’t sleep at night doesn’t give her back the nights she spent lying awake. Telling her that he wanted nothing more than to run away with her doesn’t make it so.

“And then he came. He went to the compound, and tried to bribe the guards, and threw flowers over the gates, and would come back even when everyone told him to stay away—and for the first time in such a long time…I felt worthy again.” She trails off with a sweet smile and his treacherous heart breaks at his confirmation that it is not because of him. “Being with him…it changed my life. Because I realized that life doesn’t end with you. Life breathes and changes and gives and takes and…and it can start over too. It can become something better, something I never knew I needed.” She pauses and he takes the silent moment to reflect on her heavy words, her lingering smile—like what she is telling him isn’t supposed to completely shatter him. “It took me a long… _long_ time to accept that. But he was there with me the entire way.” She sniffs and then clears her throat, stammering as she decides to tactfully change the topic, clearly weary of the hard, emotionless mask Naruto has plastered on. “A-Anyways, uh, I decided a few weeks after we started dating that I didn’t want to hide anymore. I went on missions again, and made time to see my friends. I knew I would see you eventually and I wondered if I was ready to…act normally around you.

“But I didn’t really see you. And…I thought, at first, it was probably my imagination, until I realized it wasn’t. I’d sense your chakra, or see you from the corner of my eye, but when I’d turn around, you were never there.” She ignores his subtle wince, as his own memories surface. “And then it came to the point where I would see you first, from a distance, and when you saw me coming…you would just…leave.” There is a tense pause, an accusation hidden in the silence. Naruto doesn’t deny it. He remembers very clearly the measures he took to steer clear from Hinata. But, in his eyes, it had always been about protecting her. Making sure his wife never caught wind of her and bad-mouthed her like she did to all his other friends. He was _protecting her._ Wasn’t he?

Hinata sighs and kneads at her sleeves. “It was humiliating.” She admits quietly. “Knowing that I made you uncomfortable…” She swallows. “That I made things awkward between us…that you were _embarrassed_ of me… I wondered if we were ever friends to begin with.”

“No.” Naruto’s eyes fall shut as he resolutely shakes his head. “I…I was just a coward, Hinata.” He pauses, the sick feeling returning to his gut. That uncomfortable ache, he had felt it then too, when he would catch the sight of her in the distance, make out her dark hair and slender frame, and high-tail it out of there without a second thought, often leaving behind a sputtering wide-eyed companion yelling after him. “…I knew that I changed. And I didn’t want you to see. To see me like that.” He hesitates slightly before continuing. He doesn’t want to say it out loud, but he knows that he must, this is the only time he will ever be able to. “And you changed too. I knew that. And I didn’t want to see that either.”

Hinata turns to him, taken aback by his confession. “Wh-what do you mean?”

He turns away from her. “You got married. You…had a child with him.” He vaguely recalls the many instances he spotted her during those years, watching with a knot in his throat at the swaddle in her arms as she chatted with their friends. The very few moments he had not been able to duck out of the way in time and their gazes would meet for a split second before he immediately looked away. “I just couldn’t believe it. I…didn’t _want_ to believe it.” His eyes narrow slightly. “I kept saying to myself—in my head—I thought that it wasn’t right. It…it was wrong. It had to be wrong. Something…something got messed up somewhere and I…I just couldn’t understand what was happening to me.”

Hinata’s eyes are fixed to her lap and they do not shift away, even when she whispers, “You were married.” A shallow breath. “Wh-why…why was it so wrong that I…that maybe I wanted the same? Why was it only okay for _you_ to do what you wanted but not me?”

He is taken aback at that, turning towards her with startled eyes. “That’s…that’s not true.”

She closes her eyes, shifting away from him until she is facing the moon again. “It’s like…nobody expected me to move on. Nobody ever thought I could actually …. find somebody. It was like I was never supposed to. Like I was supposed to chase after you for the rest of my life.” He thinks back to his own words at the cemetery, his…his _demand_ that she return to his side. Where she belonged. The thought strikes him cold.

“I…I didn’t mean it like that.” He murmurs softly.

“Then what did you mean?” She demands in turn. “Why did you say that to me?” And he can hear it in her tone, the distress and the disbelief.  

His breath begins to catch in his throat again, the truth bubbling in his stomach, rushing to brim over, to acknowledge the thoughts that kept him awake at night. “Because…because the Naruto that you love…the Naruto that never stopped fighting, never stopped dreaming, never stopped chasing what he wanted…I haven’t been him in so long.” He is dimly aware of the budding moisture washing over his lowered eyes. He pauses, taking a shaky breath.

Hinata watches him with startled eyes, her lips parting in concern. “Naruto-kun…” She says under her breath.

He swallows thickly. It’s painful. It hurts. He wants to stop, wants to pretend this never happened, but the words and the confession and her warm, understanding eyes spur him on and the truth flows out of him like unstoppable rushing water. “And it kills me, ‘cuz I know that if I was that Naruto…it wouldn’t be like this. Everything would be different. I…I’d be a different person. A _better_ person. A better Hokage. A better father. A better man.” This time, he turns to stare her in the eye. “And you’d be mine.”

She stares back, unflinchingly so, and ultimately, he is the one to shift his stare away. “You don’t know that.” His head snaps back to her in surprise, his brow already furrowing. “I just…maybe it…maybe it wouldn’t have been so perfect.” She says quietly, her eyes lowered, hands clasped on her lap. “Maybe…it wouldn’t have worked out.”

“That’s impossible.” He snaps. She glances up at him and he holds her stare purposely. That kind of logic just doesn’t make sense. There’s no way. A universe where they are not meant for each other just doesn’t exist. Why can’t she see that?

“Things change.” She whispers. He is taken aback by that, startled by the frigid undertone, and he can’t help the furrow of his brow at the way she tries to brush this off—this, that is so true and real to him. “People change.” She takes a breath and looks away from him.

“Some things can never change.” He responds quietly but with a fierceness that has her chance a glance at him.

“Maybe they should.” Hinata says under her breath and he lowers his eyes.

“Hinata…do you wish that I never came back for you?”

 She does not respond for a few long seconds, staring down into her clasped hands. “Yes. And no.” There is a pause. “It was hard. It was really, really hard and…and I felt so many things and I didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. I…I was prepared to live the rest of my life without you.” She continues. “And then you walked back in like you never left.” They both stare across the sky, thinking of a day long ago that changed everything. Never-ending snapshots that were ingrained in him. A sunny sky. A marble memorial. A vase of sunflowers. A bittersweet taste of the life he could have had with her. A push to get closer.

He is silent for a long while. He is supposed to apologize again. Of that, he is aware. But…he has to make sure. “I just…couldn’t stay away anymore.” He explains. “And it’s selfish—I know I had no right—but I just…I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He pauses, noticing the way she is watching him from the corner of her eye. “And if you weren’t okay, then I had to do something about it.” He looks at her meaningfully. “I _have_ to, Hinata.”

She absentmindedly pulls at her sleeves, looking down at her knees. “…he loves me, Naruto-kun.”

He sighs through his nose. “That’s not enough for me. Look, it’s not enough that he can just say he loves you and that makes it okay for him to try to control you. It just doesn’t work that way. Hinata. You’re strong. You’re strong and you don’t need anybody. Including him.” His fingers clench. “Including me.”

He can feel her stare on him and he doesn’t meet her gaze. He is very aware that she does not need him. Not anymore. And maybe it’s out of line to openly question her marriage, to reveal his doubts to her, but he simply cannot sit back and allow anybody else to hurt Hinata. Even if that person is her husband.

“I’m not leaving.”

He does a double-take at that. “What?”

She turns to him. “I’m not leaving the village.”

“He said so?”

“I said so.”

He can’t help looking amazed. “Really?”

She nods in confirmation. “After… _everything_ …we had a long talk. It took a few days, and I had to ask my former team-members to help me look after Himawari, but…things are better. We just needed to talk. See things from each other’s perspectives.” She pauses, biting at her lower lip briefly. “It’s not perfect, but…” She trails off. “Naruto-kun…your wife…will you be okay?”

He can do little more than try to force a grin. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” When she looks at him in concern, he sighs. “Ninja are those who endure.” She softens at that, nodding in understanding. “’Sides, I’ve got Boruto, so…”

There is a stretch of silence as thoughts of their children weigh down on them. Ultimately, it is Hinata who breaks the tension. “You don’t have to worry. Okay? I’ll be alright.”

He presses his lips together, swallowing his disagreement down. “Hinata, I….” He pauses. “I just want you to be happy.” And even more than that…he wants to be the one. The one that makes her happy. Because he is really good at it. Because that is a part of him that will never go away. Because that is who he is. He knows he is.

He watches as Hinata drags her sleeve across her eyes, wiping away any residue that might have spilled over her lashes. She sniffles once and swallows heavily, letting one harsh breath escape before quickly composing herself. There is a gentle smile on her lips, one that makes his heart flutter, because it’s real and finally it’s because of him. She looks up at him, studying him the way he likes to study her—in the open. With nothing to hide. Where she holds his gaze, and lets him in, and he can see and feel what’s written in her eyes.

Heartbreak.

Regret.

And love. The kind that never goes away.

“Okay. I will.” She accepts, her smile warm and grateful and so honest he can’t help the shaky corners of his mouth from lifting as well. “...but Naruto-kun needs to be happy too. Okay?” His smile falters and he looks away from her pleading stare. “Promise me. Please.” He presses his lips together and closes his eyes, shaking his head. The sanctity of a promise—the weight of a vow between them—is not lost to him; he understands her meaning and the intent behind such a request.

“I can’t.” He says as Hinata watches him with heavy eyes. And he really can’t. He can’t make a promise like that. He can’t swear to her that he can walk away from this and never look back. It’s just never going to happen.

“You can.” She says firmly. “You’re _strong,_ Naruto-kun _._ ”

He almost laughs. A cruel smile twists on his lips. “I’m not like you, Hinata.” He just isn’t strong enough. He’s never learned how to let go. Never even wanted to. If he could help it, why would he ever want to? As a child, maybe it was easier to stay so stubborn. To refuse and happily accept being called a fool. “I don’t want to be alone again.” He admits quietly. “And now you’re going to leave me forever.”

Hinata stares at him silently and she shifts close enough that their thighs touch. He glances once between them and then back up at her. “You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone.” Yes. Yes, of course. Yes, he has his friends and his family and his son, but that’s not the same. That love, that need just isn’t the same, doesn’t even come close. “Naruto-kun,” She presses in a shaky voice and he turns to her unwillingly. “I will _always_ be with you. Always. That’s never going to change.” He feels himself soften at her words, his eyes tingling with the rush of emotion. “Even if you feel like you’re alone, or that no one understands you…” The iridescence of her irises holds him captive, watching the glimmer of tears as they slowly brim over her dark lash-line. “I will always be there for you. A-a-and I h-hope—” Her voice cracks and she powers through with a shuddery breath. “—th-that you’ll be there for me too…” She doesn’t even bother wiping away her tears as she stares pleadingly at him. Seeing Hinata bare herself to him—the raw emotion in her voice and the naked unbridled truth in her words—it paralyzes him the same way it always has before and he can do little more than stare at her. “P-Please, Naruto-kun. N-Not again. Don’t run away from me again.”

The very idea of ever doing that again—of avoiding her, of staying away, of letting her suffer because of his weakness, of not being there when she needs him—it repulses him. He shakes his head frantically, muttering out choked ‘ _no_ ’s and ‘ _I won’t_ ’s that are barely coherent enough to understand until they both lapse into silence, waiting for an answer he does not want to give.

His eyes sting as they stare into the dark abyss in front of him.

He wants to tell her so many things.

Everything that she has taught him. About life. About love. About pain and suffering and why even smiles can hurt. And what it means to be a man.

That there is nothing more precious in the world as being understood, and he has always understood her.

That, because of her, he understands now why wars have been fought over something as simple as one woman. Because he would fight a thousand wars, a thousand monsters, a thousand evils, for a chance to make it right.

That he understands why a person would die for another—and also live for another.

He wants to tell her so many things.

He decides on only one. “I promise.”

And she breathes. Lowers her head and closes her eyes and finally breathes.

The next few seconds are lost to him. He doesn’t register it when Hinata lifts herself up, wobbling on shaky knees, and he follows her. He doesn’t allow himself to reach for her when she looks up at him and lowers her eyes self-consciously. Doesn’t even respond when she questions the time off-handedly.

But then she steps towards him, and the gleam in her eyes brings backs so many memories that his mind is a whirlpool that comes to a crashing halt when Hinata tucks her arms around him, and she holds him in an embrace so warm that he crouches and wraps his arms around her instinctively, bowing his head and pulling her close.

He allows himself this final moment. To feel her. To hold her. To breathe her in and memorize the way their hearts are beating together.

“Thank you.” She whispers against his chest. And though it hurts, though he feels he is not worth her gratitude, it is the one thing he is glad for tonight. She has closure now. She can move on and he will learn to be happy with that.

Closing his eyes, he holds her tighter and presses his nose into her soft sweet-smelling hair. “…I’ll miss you.”

In response, she presses herself into his chest and nods in agreement. With a sniffle, she turns to the side, glancing up at him and cracking a small smile. “I won’t let you miss me.”

He can’t help his large flashy grin—even if there are tears prickling his eyes. “Are you gonna stalk me again?”

She laughs at that, pressing her forehead against his chest to muffle herself. “My days hiding behind trees are over…” She says softly. “But…I’ll be there. Always.”

A warmth spreads in him. A beam of light glows through the dark abyss, like the first rays of sunshine through rainclouds. Like moonlight glowing through his windows and reflecting off her eyes.

“Me too.” He says back just as softly. “Even when you get sick of me.” And then his voice drops, just low enough so that she can hear it as he buries himself deeper into her hair, angle his forehead against her temple. “…I promise.”

Her eyes fall shut, her lips curling up in a sweet smile. And, inevitably, their embrace must come to an end. They draw away slowly from each other, and while he stands and watches her, she turns the way she came. “See you later, Naruto-kun.”

He allows himself a small grin. “See you…Hinata.” She returns the smile and with a final knowing look, heads down the mountain path, not turning even once to look back at him until she is out of sight.

There is a long stretch of silence in which Naruto can do nothing but stare after her, not bothering to fight back the slam of emotion that nearly buckles his knees. Instead, he drags himself to the ledge of the monument and does nothing but stare.

In another life, things would be different.

In another life, there would be explosions and fireworks and he would soar through the air—not falling, but flying. And the whole world would know that he loved her.

In another life, he would agonize over first dates and reach for her hand when she looked timid and ask her to marry him way too soon but mean it all the same.

In another life, Himawari is his and Boruto would protect her from anything.

In another life, she laughs at all his dumb jokes and nods supportively when he tells her he won’t be home in time for dinner.

Naruto pauses, squinting his eyes as he stares below him. And there is Hinata, halfway down the mountain, staring up at him. And then she lifts an arm and waves cheerfully, and though he is too far to see it, he knows which smile she is giving him now. The smile of promise. The smile that she gave him through every hardship and would help him get through this one. He waves back with all his might, smiling so brightly that she won’t need her gifted eyes to see it.

In another life, everything is so different.

But they have each other in this lifetime too. They will always have each other.

Naruto sighs softly to himself, his eyes falling shut, the moonlight washing over him, a happy, genuine smile on his peaceful face.

He cannot ask for anything more.

 

 

THE END.

 

 

_“Just look over your shoulder_

_…I’ll be there_

_Always.”_

_\--Phil Collins, “You’ll Be in My Heart”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm evil! :(   
> I love NaruHina, but I felt this story needed to be told.   
> This story is not a story of true-love-conquers all. This is a story about mistake and consequences. Of living with your choices. Of the depths of relationships and the impact it has on others.   
> Thank you for reading this story and putting up with my two OCs. I hate OCs to be honest but nobody could fulfill the roles Hamasaki and Naruto's wife (who shall remain nameless) bring to the story.   
> If you liked the story, I'm so glad, but if not, I get it.   
> Have a happy new year, guys!


End file.
